Wednesday, December 30, 2009


I've never been much for New Year's resolutions. It just seems so cliche. I mean, if you're going to do something, it seems like you should just do it, not wait for a certain date. The past few weeks, however, have convinced me that it's time for change. And it just happens to coincide with the start of the New Year.

I have been very blessed in my life. Seriously. I have a fabulous family. I have been so insanely blessed to have three nieces and a nephew and to be close enough to watch them grow. I have a good job and I love the people I work with. I have the best friends in the entire world. For real. They're amazing.

I recently read Donald Miller's new book, and it's all about life and how everyone's life is a story. In the book, Don was working with people to write a script for a movie based on his first book, Blue Like Jazz. Throughout the process, he started to realize that he wasn't living his best story. I feel the same way sometimes, like I'm an observer in my own story, instead of the main character. I avoid conflict, but conflict is what grows us, it's how we learn. I make the easy choices, but again, where is the growth in that? Sure, I could continue doing what I'm doing and be fine. I'm content with my life.

But I don't want to settle. I want to see what else there is. I want to go places, experience things. So now, looking at the passing of another year (how quickly the years seem to be slipping away!), and anticipating the beginning of a new one, I am making a resolution. Not a New Year's resolution, but a new life resolution. I might fail. But if I don't even try, then I have already failed.

Happy New Year :)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's that white stuff!

So you know the cartoons where they're trying to show the passage of time and the trees are all fally and the leaves are pretty and then whump! the snow comes and it's winter? Well, that's pretty much what has happened here in Iowa, currently also answering to the name "Frozen Tundra." Monday, no snow. By Wednesday, almost 16 inches had fallen in the Des Moines area, and we were in the midst of the worst winter storm/blizzard in a decade. Maybe three decades. I never really figured out which they picked. Friday was the first day roads were even semi-normal, and that wasn't until the afternoon. Absolute craziness.

I hate snow. I really do. It's cold. It's wet when it melts. And still cold. It makes wind worse because it blows in your face. It's heavy and if there's enough of it it can take hours to dig out a car. Then plows come by and bury it and you have to do it again. (No bitterness here) When it's sunny out, the reflecting snow hurts your eyes and gives you a headache. When it gets packed down, it makes ice and gets slippery. Ice, which is also cold, usually comes with snow anyway. Both ice and snow make driving dangerous, and people don't know how to drive in it. Or park. Suddenly a parking lot becomes a free for all. Snow makes it hard to see the lines on the road too. People pick a lane that more often than not isn't a lane and then pretend like it's not slick. Or, once the roads are dry, they imagine there is still ice and continue to drive 45 miles per hour. Plus, snow piles up and there is no place for it to go, so the giant piles sit and turn brown and then black. It's gross. And did I mention that snow is cold???


I love snow. I really do. When it's a gentle falling, it's beautiful, like living in a snow globe. I feel bad for people who have never experienced living in a snow globe. The white blanket over the earth makes everything seem cleaner, more peaceful, even if it's only for a little while. Even when it's blowing in a blizzard or coming down in heaps, snow is beautiful. And powerful. It is awe-inspiring to know that each miniscule flake is unique. How is that possible?? It's mind-boggling. Sitting and watching it snow is one of my favorite pasttimes. I love the way the fresh snow crunches as you walk through it. Everything seems quieter right after it snows. All the rough edges have been removed, the mounds of snow make the world softer for just a little while. When I was little I would find a snow drift and just sit, listening to the silence. When it's sunny out, the sun reflects off the snow like diamonds, and most of you know how much I love things that sparkle. It's beautiful. Snow forces us to slow down from the fast-paced lives most of us lead. Families spend more time together because it's too cold to be out. I always feel a sense of accomplishment that I know how to safely navigate snow-covered roads. I love the sounds of children playing in the snow, and how they look like multi-colored marshmallows bundled into their snow gear. And it's really not that cold once you've acclimated. The cold can be refreshing, cleansing.

I could probably add to each of these lists. It's amazing that it is possible for two such different viewpoints to exist within the same person, but I would wager that many midwesterners feel the same way. I hate the snow. And I love it. I wish I could live where it never snowed. But I would miss it terribly. I doubt my two sides will ever be reconciled. So while I go argue with myself, let it snow. Or not.

Friday, November 20, 2009


I have a confession to make. I am twenty five years old...and I went to a midnight showing of New Moon last night! It's true! I am a Twilight junkie, and I needed my next hit. And let me tell knocked my socks off. A quick review of the was great. Much more well done than the first one, and it followed the book more closely, though nothing could live up to the wondefulosity of the book. Taylor Lautner was great and really carried the movie. Rob Pattinson was kinda...umm...high looking. But still good. And I actually liked Kristen Stewart, which I definitely did not for the first movie. Wonderful. Movie = Good. Now. On to the good stuff.

Kari and I arrive at the theater around 10:30 or so. First of all, I must say that it was unbelievably clever of them to have a blood drive before this movie. Seriously. Who thinks up these things? I'd like to shake their hand. We get inside and immediately are accosted by teenage girls with raffle tickets. "Pick a team, win a prize!" they say. I picked. I didn't win. In the center of the lobby people are getting their picture taken with cardboard cutouts of the cast. Don't tell Kari, but I was seriously tempted to drag her over there and force her to take a picture with me. However, she groaned enough with the pictures I took with my own camera. She doesn't want proof. I attempte to take a picture of a couple dressed up as Edward and Bella, but trying to be sneaky by not using flash results in a blurry picture. Also in the center of the lobby are tables set up with other raffles and free stuff. And formal wear. Yeah, I don't get it either. There isn't even a prom scene in this one. That was soooo last movie. But there it was. We take a couple pictures then stand awkwardly. We are among the minority...we are not wearing Twilight t-shirts. A lady rushes up to us. "Do you have your koozies yet?" We shake our heads, maybe a bit confused. She shoves them in our hands and skips away. I am now the proud owner of a bright green Aveda koozie. Awesome. I guess they drink soda in New Moon.

After making the circuit, we decide to see if we can get our seats. I mean, come on, the movie starts in just over an hour! Though the marquee says that New Moon is now seating, we are stopped at the ticket taker place and told to wait. We are first in line. For our theater anyway. Apparently another one is already full. However, I choose to pretend that we're first in line, because I'm just that lame. Finally, they let us in. I'm surprised we aren't stampeded over. Teenage girls are vicious. We snag some seats in the second row in the back part of the theater. Perfect level for viewing. The theater fills behind us. Surprisingly, there are very few members of the male species in attendance. Go figure. There are a few, though they are not giggling and giddy like most of the girls. There is a wide variety of different shirts. People watching is fun. After a little while, a manager comes in and gives five minute speech, thanking people for helping to put things together. He thanks us, the movie-goers, as well. Kari is glowing by the end. She feels wonderful about herself. We didn't know we were going to get a boost in self-esteem at this movie! A little while later, one of the teenage girls decides to do a poll...Team Edward or Team Jacob. Edward wins. Of course. Then more employees come in with a trivia game. I know all the answers, but I don't win anything because I am a pansy. I raise my hand, feel lame, put it down, think "I know this," put my hand back up, feel lame, put it down. They ignore me. There is an annoying woman down in front who cries, "I'm Alice, by the way!" and is really quite annoying. After the game is finished, a last minute trip to the bathroom is in order. I search for the facilities, finally asking an employeed where the nearest restroom is. She points right behind her, where a lit-up sign declaring "Women" is quite obvious. It's late.

At 12:01 the previews start. At 12:05 they stall and then restart. They're teasing us. At 12:15, the fans begin to get restless, calling out for the movie to begin. At 12:25, the movie finally begins, and the theater erupts in cheers. The ladies next to me are particularly creepy. One of them, before any actors even arrive on screen, begins moaning. "Mmmm...mmmmmm...." I am very uncomfortable. Let me just say, there were many women who didn't get any of the plot line, distracted as they were by Taylor Lautner's abs. I look over at Kari frequently. She smiles the entire time. I'm glad I don't have mind-reading skills, because I'm sure most of her thoughts are impure. She wants to be a cougar. She is focused on the fact that Taylor is legal in just a few months. There are some cheesy scenes involving Jacob slowly removing his shirt, and then Edward and Bella running through the forest in slow motion dressed in old fashioned clothes. Sparkling. Lol. I love cheese.

The movie finishes. I am happy. I drive home in a sleepy state, fall into bed, and dream of...not New Moon. I know what Kari dreamt about...but I can't talk about it on here...I like to keep things PG...

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Rock on!

Tonight I went with Phyllis to see Skillet in concert. Now, for those of you who don't know who Skillet is, you're missing out and I insist you go to YouTube and look them up. Now. Or when you finish reading. The concert was four hours long and included four bands: The Letter Black (never heard of them but they were decent), Decypher Down (LOVE THEM!), Hawk Nelson (a new love, I believe), and, of course, SKILLET! Seriously, folks, this was one of the best concerts I've ever attended. I took a billion pictures, due in part to the discovery of the continuous shot setting on my camera. Hold the button down and take as many pictures in a row as you want! Never lose that perfect shot while your camera is resetting again. Okay, so I might have gone a little overboard. Sue me. It was just really amazing to see these hard rock bands rocking out, screaming, whatever, and then talking about Jesus. Yeah! Gave me chills, especially when Jesus got the biggest shout-out.

That said, I had several observations from the night, which I will term "only at a rock concert." I have written before regarding "concert-speak" at concerts, and I just giggled tonight as Phyllis and I joined right in. "How you doin, Iowa?" "Whoooooooooooo!" Awesome. I actually tried to picture what it would be like if our admin meetings at work were run the same way as a concert. They might actually hold my attention! Clapping and cheering for good news, booing when things aren't going so well. Now that's a meeting I'd like to be a part of. If you knew the guy who runs the meetings this would be even funnier. Trust me. Haha. Also, I was thinking about the sort of power these rock stars yield. I mean, they come out and say, "Everyone on your feet!" and thousands of people jump. "Now everyone scream!" "AHHHH!!!!" "Clap!" "Cell phones out!" "Wave your hands in the air!" Dance, monkeys, dance! What I could do with that sort of power...

People are funny at rock concerts. There was one girl who stood at the railing and headbanged the entire time. I tried to take a picture at one point, because she was headbanging and holding a skillet. Get it? Skillet? HAHAHAHAHAHAA! Ahem. Anyway. The dancing on stage is funny too. All the guys have the headbanging thing down, and it seems like they're able to do it in a way that allows them to avoid the invariable whiplash most fans end up with. I wonder if their necks ever get sore, or if they've conditioned them to deal. Hmm. Something to ponder. Sometimes, though, it's kind of disturbing. I mean, I swear, the guitar chick for Skillet looked like she was having an episode for the duration of their set. Seriously, I was a little concerned. Maybe it's an age thing too. Phyllis and I discussed this on the way home. As the strobe lights were blinking, both of us were thinking, "Oh thank goodness I don't have epilepsy!" I thought I might have a stroke anyway. I mean, when did 25 get old enough to have those thoughts? Let me go grab my walker and my good teeth...

All in all, a great Friday the 13th. Loved the concert, loved the people, loved the WEATHER, which was still in the 50s when we left at 11:30! If only it could be like this always.

Off to Cedar Falls in the morning. Perhaps sleep is a good idea since it's 1am and Star Trek is now over. Whoops...apparently I geek out when it gets late.

(PS - 6 days until New Moon! Yes, I have tickets for the 12:01 showing!!!)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sick day

So I'm home sick today, and despite numerous texts telling me to nap, I am unable to sleep. I tried. I was almost there. I woke up. So what on earth do you do on a sick day?

There is nothing on daytime TV. It's pretty trashy. Jerry Springer, judge shoes, Tyra...basically all these shows that get their ratings from highlighting the worst aspects of our society. Right now on Tyra there are teen girls who are pregnant and those who say they want to have a baby, mostly because of the celebrities who have had babies, like Jamie Lynn Spears. Wow. That's all I have to say about that.

I opened my novel. I watched a movie. I reopened my novel. Then I filled out a Facebook survey. I looked at my novel again. Then I decided to write a blog. I need help. Can't go anywhere...I was all dizzy driving my car to the gym this morning, I'm lucky I didn't die. I should really use this forced time on the couch to get some good words out but my concentration is especially low today. I think I write better at night...which is bad since I still get up early so I'm just getting less sleep.

November is a crazy month. Too much to do. I think I might explode once December hits. Kristen is getting married in just over two weeks, which is completely insane. I know what song I'm singing now, "The More I Seek You," which is one of my favorite songs. There is just too much to think about though...I can't imagine having to plan the entire wedding. Yikes. I need to book things for my cruise. I can't wait until I reach that point. Sweet relief.

Um. What else can I do to procrastinate? I am way too unfocused to be writing in this thing. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll try to work on my novel. Or watch teen girls that think having a baby is a good idea.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

All aboard for the procrastination station!

Well, it's November 1st. First day of National Novel Writing Month. Like a good little NaNoWriMo, I stayed up and began writing at midnight last night. I made it to 1701 words before calling it a night. Just over the daily quota needed to reach 50,000 before midnight November 30. And here I am, 12 hours later, writing in my blog instead of working on my novel. Could it be starting so soon???

Don't get me wrong...I don't have writer's block. In fact, I am excited to see where my characters will go next. Unlike a lot of writers, and going against what I have learned in writing classes, I don't make outlines, and I don't do character sketches. I get to know my characters as the reader would, bit by bit. Sometimes they surprise me with what they do. Why on earth did she say that?? I might ask myself. Other times I might be writing while all the while shouting at my characters to knock it off. I know it's not professional, and I know it's not "right," but then again, what is the "right" way to be creative? I believe that if my characters are to be believable, they need to be as unpredictable and imperfect as any of us are. If they always say and do the right things, where is the excitement? How can anyone connect to impossible perfection, or even perfectly scripted imperfection? Not sure if that makes any sense at all. As far as the current procrastination goes, I have no other explanation other than it is so deeply ingrained in my psyche to put off even those things I am excited about that I just can't help myself.

I'm writing this in a bit of a sleep-deprived stupor. My goal is to make it to 5000 words in my novel today, but I also really really really want to take a nap. I should clean as well, but those of you who know me will know where that ranks on my list of things to do. Novel, then nap, then novel some more, then...well, the cleaning probably just won't happen today.

I blame Halloween in part for my sleeplessness. I know I know, I stayed up late writing, but then once I went to bed I was just a bit creeped out. See, last night I watched the movie "Orphan" with some friends. I am not much into horror flicks. I tend to laugh through them, and pretty much annoy anyone I'm watching with. I really thought I was okay with the whole creepy movie on Halloween thing. I only closed my eyes at the bloody parts, because really, who needs to see blood spattering every 5 minutes? I came home around 11:30, glad that I left a light on, and went about my business getting ready to start writing. I walked back toward my bedroom and happened to catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. And my heart stopped. Because for a moment I swore there was someone standing in the doorway of my second bedroom. Of course, it was just one of my bridesmaids dresses hanging on the door. Why on earth would a knife-wielding (did I mention that in my moment of insanity I imagined the door-lurker to be holding a knife??) psycho be waiting in my apartment? I was able to laugh at myself after, but I admit my pride was punctured just a bit. Me, the tough girl who isn't scared by anything, practically brought to her knees by a dress. Of course, in my infinite wisdom, I chose to text Phyllis and share my humiliation, and now I've shared with anyone who happens to read this. Hey, we can all use a little humility, right?

And now, it's time to stop this procrastination train and get off. Back to NaNoWriMo. 1701 words written, 48,299 to go! Wish me luck!

(Dear Phyllis: Hey, this was hardly random at all! Proud of me???)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

A bit of a rant

Okay, so this will be a fairly short entry, I think. But it should satisfy those complainers who say I don't update enough, as well as my need to spew about stupid people.

I was the gym this morning, truckin along on the treadmill, and I was watching MTV Cribs. I don't typically watch the show, because it annoys me, but there wasn't much else on. I am just blown away by how greedy and prideful people are because they have money. The attitude of "I have money, so I need to have all sorts of extravagant things and I deserve special treatment" seems to be a common theme. First, I got to take a peek at Danny Bonaduce's place. He was so proud of his gym, especially his sauna, which he said was good for hangovers. Way to promote drinking on MTV, buddy. Not that it isn't already. And he didn't just mention it once. Plus, he pointed out how his punching bag was positioned so that if his girlfriend is on the treadmill, he can swing it and take her out. Nice. Need to get me a man like that. Hubba hubba. Vomit. The kitchen was awesome. Contents of the fridge? Muscle milk and champagne. His explanation? He drinks the muscle milk to win fights and then deserves the champagne after. He bragged about having 12 plasma screen tvs, and spiced up his tour by making all sorts of sexual innuendos. Real classy guy, that one.

I don't remember the names of the other two I saw, but the last one wasn't any better than ol Danny-boy. He had to show off his stripper pole in his bedroom, and gave the tour in terms of what he uses on "dates." Idiot. Plus, he had about a million cars. Because we all need that many. And he said something along the lines of, if you have the money to buy a car like this, you gotta have a chauffer, because you deserve it. Yeah. Right. Because money means you deserve more. I hate that attitude. It drives me crazier than anything else.

I did appreciate the guy in the middle. He is a snowboarder. He was super respectful, and really just showed off his place in a way that showed he was proud, but not prideful. He was appreciative. He included his daughter and wife, and talked about how awesome they were. And guess what. He and his wife share a car. No joke. How many people do that these days? Of course he had some extravagances, but it wasn't over the top, and I really think his attitude made all the difference. And he had a wooly in a person dressed as a wooly mammoth to entertain his daughter. That was actually pretty amusing.

So this whole thing bugs me so much because there are so many people struggling out there, and these people are like, dude, I'm so awesome, I deserve what I have, no I don't need to share because no one else deserves what I have, blah blah blah. Idiots. I work with people every day who are struggling to get by, and they work 10 times as hard as any of those people living it up with their plasma screens and jacuzzis and stripper poles. They are supporting spouses and kids and extended family and beyond.

I could probably say a lot more on the subject, but I'm all ranted out for now, and I have to go to work. 10 hour day, woohoo!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Take me to your leader

Sometimes when I'm going somewhere or doing something (I know, descriptive, right?), I like to think how people from another time in history or even another planet might react to the way we live. Okay, okay, I know. My brain is a swirling vortex of strangeness. But this is even more in my mind lately because I just read a book where people from a primitive culture are transported to a time of high technology and see cars and lights and TVs and everything for the first time. (I like those sorts of books, go ahead, call me a geek, my 2 year old niece does.) I wonder what people would say about a "magic box" you could put food in cold and take it out hot. Or one that you can put hot food in and it comes out frozen. They'd probably think we were super lazy, with all the things we do to save time. I wonder what they'd think of little people running behind glass screens. Or even tinier people singing from boxes. Tonight I was at the mall, and I also had to think what they would think of stores. For example, the plastic people standing around in weird clothes. Worse, the headless orange mannequins. And the very worst thing I saw tonight: jean-clad legs hanging from the ceiling. Yes, I know, appalling, right?

Today was my lil Allie's 2nd birthday. Lots of fun. I spent the morning dealing with car issues and working. I was at the garage at 7:30 in the morning and saw several people go through. One guy creeped me out. I was just sitting there, reading my book and kinda watching the Today show, and he came in and sat at the end of the waiting area, where he could kinda see the TV. There was an older gentleman there for a while sitting on the side facing the TV with me. The older guy left, and the creeper got up and got hot chocolate. Then, instead of going back to his seat, he sat directly across from me, where he couldn't see the TV (because it was next to him facing the same way) and stared at me. For a long time. It was so creepy. I kept my eyes glued to my book and tried to pick my nose a few times for good measure. Ugh.

I went with my sis and fam to celebrate Allie's birthday. We ate at the Pizza Hut at Target, which sounds strange, but was actually perfect for Allie because she loves it and loves "peetha." So cute. Then we went to Build-A-Bear for Allie's first experience. It was pretty cute. There was a party going on, and I have to say, anyone who takes responsibility for 10 8 year olds in that store should be nominated for sainthood. We were on our way out, and there was this mom looking around and she caught sight of a tiny wheelchair for the bears. Her comment? "Oh look, a wheelchair! That's hilarious!" Right lady. Freaking hilarious. Seriously. I suppose it made a little sense in the context, but can you imagine if someone said that anyplace else? Pretty sure there's something very not politically correct about that ;)

I had a dream the other night that I was eating Thanksgiving dinner here in Ankeny and then I realized that I was supposed to pick Angie up at the airport in Minneapolis at 12 and I hadn't left yet and Sandra wasn't here yet to ride with me. It was very stressful. Note to self: Go to Minneapolis the day before Thanksgiving. There, that should cover it.

My head is resting on my shoulder. I think that means my neck has ceased to function. I'm a little tired. I told Phyllis I was going to bed almost an hour ago. Whoops. Guess I should get on that. I have to drive tomorrow morning. Gotta go to my brother's. My mom is there and I need her to fix my bridesmaid dresses, because I don't sew. I fail at being a housewife. Which is okay because I'm not married. I had a dream I got there and had forgotten the dresses, so I opened my closet door and hung them on it. There is no way to get past without seeing them. Only the first part of that was the dream. The second part I really did. Just for clarification. (I know how you get confused, Phyllis!)

I'm not going to say what I'll talk about next time, because clearly this post wasn't about commonly used phrases, just like the last one wasn't about pants. I have these ideas and then...ker-splunk. They disappear. Yes, ker-splunk is a disappearing noise. For tonight anyway.

Monday, October 5, 2009

I made a list

"I lured him out with peanuts."
"I put a bag of peanuts in the backyard. He went out and ate 'em. Like a squirrel."

"I'll take care of your father when you die. But I'm renaming him Rusty."
LOL King of Queens.

So today I went to get the mail, and I found an issue of People magazine, along with a bill for over $100 for a year subscription. Hmm. Funny thing...I never subscribed! I'm thinking...I have no idea. The magazine fairy has a sick sense of humor.

This was on the heels of a visit to Walmart, which, as you all know, is always an interesting experience. You never know who you're going to run in to at Walmart. Just walking in I saw a crazy old man with hair all over pushing a cart full of things he definitely did not purchase at Walmart. Inside I ran into a bunch of people who like to park their carts on one side of the aisle and stand staring at the other side while I stand and wait patiently, mentally tapping my foot. (Okay I know the tenses don't match up in the sentence. Whatever.) At one point I was walking behind two people who were talking to themselves. I even looked at their ears to see if they had bluetooth headsets, but nope. The lady I ended up following until she came across an employee to scream at. She was like, "I've been looking for hours for x!" If it were me I'm not sure I would have been as polite as the employee. Because obviously it was his fault that she had wandered around aimlessly without asking for help before reaching her boiling point. I'm not the biggest fan of Walmart, but they are usually pretty helpful when you need something. Some people think the world revolves around them. Poor guy. Hope the lady didn't bite his head off.

It's raining. And cold. And someone said snow is possible for the weekend. And I'm pretending it is all lies. I am in my happy place where there is no such thing as snow, except for on weekends to play in, and then it's all gone by the time I have to drive to work. I don't think I'd mind snow so much if I didn't have to drive so much. Icy roads scare me.

I had a dream last night that there was a big snowstorm right before the Halloween fireworks. And they were trying to set up for the parade, but they got in accidents because they tried to block traffic as it was flowing. But the snow melted by the time the fireworks started, except I couldn't see them, because I think they were black. Random.

This morning I got a plastic cap put on my dental implant. It's weird looking, even worse than just not having a tooth there. Only three more weeks and my dental nightmares will be over!!! Except I'll be paying for them for years yet. Sigh. I had to laugh though. My dentist was working on my teeth, chatting as usual. I like him a lot, he's pretty entertaining. So he was talking and I was answering and he could understand me. Then he was done and I sat up, and he gave me a mirror to look at my "tooth," and I turned to him and said, "Gosh this looks just like a real tooth, no one will know the difference!" (Totally sarcastic) He blinked and said, "What?" I had to repeat myself, and then he laughed and said yes, it was a good disguise. However, it was just funny, because he never asks me to repeat myself while his fingers are in my mouth. Perhaps he's just too attuned to muffled speech, so clear speech is like alien language. *Shrug*

Guess what. Phyllis is the bestest. She told me I was special FOUR TIMES today! Sometimes I feel like maybe she isn't being completely sincere...but then I think, no, of course Phyllis really means it when she says I'm special. For reals. I think she was having issues today though...she kept talking to her iPod. Like, literally picking it up and speaking directly into it. It listened too, which made me wonder about her magical powers. I made her doubt her own sanity though. I was reading instructions on one of our databases, and I said one thing and then played innocent. I don't even remember what it was. But it was funny. Oh, and Phyllis always talks about how she swears. And then she swears. It's a very bad habit. I'm going to start washing her mouth out with hand sanitizer. I'll put it in her Jimmy John's.

I was telling Phyllis today about how I got something in the mail addressed to Renta (instead of Renata). That led to a discussion on renting people. And I said that being an employee is kind of like being rented by a company. Is that weird? Yes. Okay, but really, it's like, if you rent a car, you are paying for services for a while. Some things you rent hourly, some things you rent for longer times. Employees can be rented by the hour. Or they can be salaried. Or...okay this has gone down a very strange path and I'm going to stop and go to bed.

Next time: Commonly used phrases and their meanings. Maybe. If I feel like it.

Friday, October 2, 2009


As a therapist, I am exceedingly interested in the human condition. I enjoy observing people, how they react to things, what they do, and trying to figure out the motives behind it. Usually people don't realize they are being observed. Gosh, that sounds creepy. I promise I'm not a stalker. I just think that the things people do are fascinating. We're really kinda like animals. Wild ones. This morning I was working on some stuff and I had the TV on for background noise. I wasn't really paying attention when the show changed, and when I looked up, it was the Steve Wilkos show. I don't know how many of you are familiar with that show, but basically he's an ex-cop sorta guy and he yells at people and calls them names and takes away their chairs then kicks them off the stage. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone what a lot of these people have done. Some have done horrible things. But since when does yelling do any good? "You're the scum of the universe!!!!" "You know, you're right, this talk has helped, I'm going to go turn my life around." Yeah, right. In my experience, the more someone yells, the more defensive someone gets. So yeah, let's make these people angry and then send that back out into the world. Nice work, Steve, nice work.

The other thing that bothered me was that the audience was so into it. They heard one side of a story and were all in a frenzy against the other person, then they heard the other side and were all up in arms against the first person. It is just stupid. Again, so totally not condoning the behavior. But I guess my job has taught me that there is so much more to people that just their actions. How about we figure out what is behind the behavior? How about we connect them to resources, counseling, groups, etc, to help them change their lives around? If for no other reason to make sure that their actions can't hurt other people anymore, if it seems to hard to do it for the person's own benefit. I actually felt really sad for the guy that was being booed. He was standing there on stage looking around, and everyone around him was jeering and yelling and calling him names, people who had never seen him before this day and knew just a tiny bit of what was going on in his life, and he just looked so sad, like he didn't have a friend in the world. Yes, friends, this is what working with juvenile delinquents has done for me. It has made me realize that life is not black and white, and people are not good or bad. We're all a bit of both.

Jerry Springer came on when I was in the other room, and it was the same thing. The audience feeds off each other until they've whipped themselves into a frenzy and suddenly decide they are the experts on everyone else's lives. They stand up and yell obscenities and then chant and try and get people to fight. Because yes, this is productive. I'm sure everyone comes off that show feeling fabulous as well. Ugh. This is what happens when I only have a few channels. Look what I'm forced into! Haha.

"I know your name, Jake, I'm being condescending." LOL. Love Scrubs. Okay that was random.

I had an interesting conversation with my sister last night. Well, okay, does a text conversation count as a conversation? I think so. I wonder what other people's opinions are. Do looks matter? How much I would LOVE to say that they don't. That as long as you are beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. The optimist in me believes that. The realist in me thinks that's crap. Looks matter in so much of what we do! Again with people and their reactions and judgments. I mean, really. I have been out with some of my gorgeous friends, and it is an interesting experience. People react differently to people who are more attractive. As far as relationships go, no, looks should not be the most important thing. But when someone is looking for a relationship, the first thing they think is not, wow, look at the personality on that one! Even if someone gets to know a person who isn't considered that attractive, and likes them, how often do they really decide to take it to the next level if there is not physical attraction? Rarely. It happens, but it is the exception. Beauty fades, it's true, so then why is it so important to us? *Shrug*

Haha, this was a heavier entry. Oh well. Next time I'll talk about something

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Saturdays: Relaxing or boring?

It's Saturday. And I'm bored. There's nothing on TV. Good practice for me since I'm getting rid of cable. *gasp!* That's right. Gone. Kaput. Finito. It's too spendy, and makes my bank account ache. I read for a while, but I'm sleepy and it makes me sleepier. My life is scintillating. Did I spell that right? I don't really care.

I'm watching "Toddlers & Tiaras" and this woman just ordered a "flipper" for her 4 year old. I learned that a "flipper" is basically dentures for people with teeth. Seems redundant, but heaven forbid a 4 or 5 year old go onstage with a missing tooth. Because kids don't lose teeth. Ever. Haha, this mom just compared pageants to sports. I suppose they are about that intense. This is so weird and disturbing.

I'm heading to a BBQ for work in a little while. Well, I think so. I texted Phyllis a while ago and asked when I could come, and she never texted back, so I'm pretty sure she hates me. Because that's what it means when people don't text back. I'm hip with the lingo...or lack thereof! So I will park in her driveway and give her the silent treatment. And eat my jello. I went to a potluck last night and I brought 7 layer jello. It was a hit. It was an interesting get together. Have you ever stopped to think about how many different "languages" we speak? Last night was the first time I'd hung out with a group from a church in quite a while, well over a year. It was so much different than when I hang out with people from work! An outsider would probably think "church-speak" sounded a little creepy, but if you grew up in it, it's just comforting. At work, we have our own FFT lingo, which I can say from experience is very strange when you're on the outside. I have different languages I speak with my close friends, bulging (haha, yuck, I hate that word) with references to inside jokes or past experiences, as well as with my family. It's pretty funny to think about. It's also interesting to think how those worlds can overlap. What do you do when you're with people from two different areas of your life? Which language do you choose? Will my "church-speak" offend someone from another area of my life? Should I care? Ouch, my brain hurts.

I like the word livid. Quick, someone piss me off so I can say that I'm livid! Wait, now it just looks weird. Kinda like liver. Never mind.

I really want to go on a vacation. September is a long month, especially looking forward to October, where there is no vacation, and where November is just barely visible on the horizon, at the end of which is Thanksgiving. Then the fun begins with holidays. I really want to go out of the country. Someplace. Anyplace. Okay, not anyplace. Siberia would kinda suck. Anyplace cold would not be acceptable. I would like to go someplace where they speak in sexy accents. Then find someone to marry me. I was taking Facebook quizzes today (I was bored, remember) and according to Facebook, I will meet my love on December 16 of this year, so I guess I'm meeting someone at Kelly's wedding. And I'm supposed to get married on October 3, 2011. Sounds like a good timeline, eh? I would be 27, not too bad. And I know Facebook always tells the truth, because it said I was going to die at age 80 on an electrical pole during an earthquake. How can you doubt after something like that???

Ew, you're supposed to have 5 servings of vegetables a day? This could be a problem. Don't ask.

Almost time to leave. Just enough time for a quick nap.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ask your doctor if ______ is right for you!

I was driving home from work today and happened to look in my rearview mirror. There was a mustachioed man in the car behind me, and he was smiling big as anything. I don't know if he was talking on the phone, or thinking of something funny, or was just genuinely happy to be driving. I mean, when I get to go home at the end of the day, I know I sometimes can't keep the smile off my face. So I was enjoying sneaking peeks at this very happy man when I realized he was coming very close to the back of my car. Suddenly, instead of feeling buoyed by his smiles, I felt a bit threatened. What had been pleasant became sinister. The man behind me transformed into an evil traffic wedgie! He followed me off my exit, then in my first turn, on my tail the entire time. As I turned onto my street I cast one last nervous glance in my rearview mirror to check that he wasn't following me still, and I saw that the smile was wiped from his face and he was shaking his head at me. Like, how dare you turn! Or maybe he was disapproving of my street? I think it's a nice street... People are weird.

You know something that I think is getting worse lately? People's ability to listen. There are very few people I have conversations with anymore who ask how I am and actually want to hear the answer. And they get freaked out if I give a real answer instead of the standby "fine" or "good" or whatever other generic word you can think of. It seems like conversations have been reduced to little more than competitions, where each person uses the time the other is speaking to formulate what they want to say next, or to look for a way to bring the conversation back around to them. It's sad really. How often are we really listening to people? How much difference might it make if we took time to listen? Just thoughts bouncing around. Haha.

Sorry for that seriousness. Tonight I was contemplating the age old question: Why, oh why, so they make packs of hot dogs with 10 in them and packs of buns with only 8??? Seriously. Why should I have to buy four packs of hot dogs and five of buns just to make things even out? It's silly. I think it's a conspiracy. I think the hot dog and bun companies do it on purpose just to make people buy more. But really, it ends up making people waste food, or eat more than they need. The hot dog companies are responsible for the obesity in America! I've solved it!!!


I spent this past weekend in Sioux Falls at the Christian music festival Lifelight. It's one of the largest free outdoor festivals in the country. Pretty sweet. Kristen and I met up on Friday and headed west. There were some pretty awesome bands, and I ran into a ton of people I knew and hadn't seen for a while. Amazing how you can find so many friends in crowds of thousands of strangers:) Anyway, I'm assuming everyone out there has been to a concert at some point in their lives. I was thinking this weekend about the phenomenon of what I like to call "concert-speak." When a band is up on stage and they say, "How's everyone doing tonight?" the reply is always, "Whoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You never hear a chorus of "oh great!" or "wonderful!" or even "well, I'm having kind of a bad day, my toe hurts and my monkey ran away." Same with any other question. "Are you having fun??" "Wooooooo!!!!!" "Would you like to hear another one??" "WOoooooooo!" "Who here is from the area?" "WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine if we did this in every day life??
Susie: Hey, Johnny!
Johnny: *hands in the air* Wooooo!
S: Yeah... So how are you?
J: Wooooooo!!!
S: That's good...I...guess... Um. So what did you think of that presentation today?
S: So you liked it? I thought it was kind of boring. Aren't you presenting next week?
J: *jumping up and down with hands in the air* WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Yeah...uhhh...I gotta go. Nice talking to you... *walks away quickly*
J: *whistles* Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That would be weird. For sure. But kind of funny to do to someone. I dare you to do it. Seriously. Do it. DO IT NOW!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Totally Random

I'm watching The Princess Diaries 2 right now. I like this movie. Why am I sharing this? Because sometimes I don't make sense. (Sometimes? Haha, Phyllis, yes I can read your mind) So I get home a little before 6, sit down and eat, then check out what's on the tube. Love digital cable, because not only can I see what's on, but I can see what is going to be on. So I see that the movie is going to start at 7. I think, wow, that sounds like a fabulous time watching that movie. Then what goes through my mind? Dang, it's still an hour away and there's nothing on TV. What am I supposed to do? Yeah. A normal person would have said, gosh, I have this DVD, why don't I just watch it now, no commercials? Good thing I'm not normal. Even less normal, I keep pausing in my writing to watch the commercials. What is wrong with me?? (Don't answer that)

I'm a great big snot ball today. I hate colds. They last forever! And cold medicine never works, not even the good stuff. And you can't really take off work, so you're just a gross bundle of mucus in the office. Mmmm, tasty. My nose runneth over. What can I say?

I think they need to make better paint for roads. I swear I was driving down the middle of the road while it was raining today. I didn't notice until I hear all the honking and saw the rather creative hand gestures. People are quite imaginative. Awesome. I guess with better paint I wouldn't have true insight into the human condition of road rage. Because I never have road rage. Ever. I'm always. Completely. Calm.

Okay you wanna know what bothers me about drivers? Des Moines drivers have no sense of the speed limit. They drive super fast. Or super slow. And usually I get caught behind a super slow with a super fast creeping up on me from behind like a pair of tight underwear! It's like a traffic wedgie! Also, no turn signals. Hey look at me, I'm going to slow down for no apparent reason and then...surprise! I'm turning! Not my favorite surprise. Oh and people who need to be in one lane but pass all the cars and then turn their blinker on and expect someone to let them in. Because they're all so much more important. Hmph. Okay I better quit before I get all hot and bothered.

Man, I love this movie. I wish I found out I was a princess who was going to become queen but then some hot guy tried to steal my crown and I had to have an arranged marriage with another cute guy so I could be queen while I was falling in love with the other guy who is supposed to be my enemy. Isn't that every girl's dream? It's not? Weird...

So if I can't be a princess, I've decided to be a singer. I've got the voice, but my look isn't quite right, and I've never been a great dancer. So I'll wear a mask and be all mysterious and stuff.* And I've been studying moves on those music video thingers and I think if I perfect just a couple strategic moves I'll be good. So first I need to be standing in the rain. Things always look better in the rain, plus it will obscure me somewhat. Plus, it's helpful for the next part, which involves tossing my head just so and making sure that some of my hair sticks to my face. There's something about proving I can sing with hair in my eyes, seems to be a common thread. Finally, I will hold my head with both hands as if I'm in extreme pain. Throw in a back and forth head toss or two, and my look and dance are complete. I'm totally the complete package. Feel free to send agents my way.

I'm such a sap. I'm totally tearing up at this movie when she's getting crowned queen. Oops, did I ruin the ending? I mean...uhhh...I'm tearing up when the mean guy gets the throne and then the palace blows up. It's very sad.

Last week I won a pineapple for a coloring contest. It was pretty cool. I felt special. (Phyllis! Stop! No smart remarks!)

Today at work Phyllis told me she was grumpy, and I said I was sleepy. So we decided our team should be the seven dwarves! What's funny is how most of the names we picked are pretty fitting for us. When Kari leaves and there are seven on the team plus supervisor, we decided our supervisor will become Snow White and we will be her seven dwarves. Okay, so we're strange. But it was amusing. More people will understand this one than the time when Phyllis and I decided our cube was the Borg Cube from Star Trek and gave everyone "designations" (i.e. 3 of 6) and decided our supervisor was our "Borg Queen." I can't believe I just admitted to that.

I'm going to go rot my brain with some Real World. It's like a car wreck, horrible, but I can't seem to stop watching. I don't think I covered everything that has bounced around in my head over the past couple of weeks, but I keep getting distracted and writing this has taken me like over an hour. It's a problem. I'm done. Adios.

*See my post titled "Masquerade"

Sunday, August 16, 2009

State Fair Fun!

Dear Randi-
Thanks for helping my new nickname catch on, and for making me smile. I hope your baby finally went to sleep, because it's been like a week, and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy for babies to go without sleep for a week. Also, while I had a blast dressing up like Julia Roberts, the real JR randomly showed up at my door and took all the pictures. Just trust that I was a dead ringer.
Now that that's out of the way...time for a recap post! Woop woop! (Hi Emily!) So last week I was a total slacker. I was sick for two whole days and had all sorts of random things running through my brain, and I didn't post. Mostly because staring at the computer screen for too long made me a bit woozy. But trust me, they would have been hilarious posts if I'd made them. Let's take a moment and just imagine, shall we? ... ... ... Ahhh, that's the stuff.
Thursday night was the Drew Seeley concert at the state fair. It was a lot of fun. Thankfully, my obsession had waned by then, and I could just enjoy it. See, here's what you need to know about me. I have an obsessive personality...but also a short attention span. I find something or someone who I think is pretty cool, find out a lot about them (not in a creepy way) for a week or two, and then suddenly I see something shiny and it's over. Haha. So the concert was good, but I wasn't like all weird and nervous, though I was still happy to go. Of course, the average age at the show was 8-10, and surprisingly mostly girls. Go figure. Haha. DS had his best friend from high school, Brandon, come and play a couple acoustic songs with him, and that was really cool. Probably my favorite part of the show. Heather and I stood in line to meet him after and I got my picture taken with him. It was pretty cool.

Friday I got to spend the day at the fair with my family. I gotta say, there were a lot of things on a stick. I took a bunch of pictures of different things on sticks and posted them on Facebook. Anything from chicken to candy bars to origami! Pretty amazing what people can get on a stick. Other fun things at the fair: a grizzly old man with a herd of geese, a street musician, and, of course, the butter cow! Standing in line for the butter cow, there was this really annoying lady behind me. The first butter sculpture was an astronaut. Lady: "Oh yeah, it's been 50 years since we FAKED the moon landing. I saw this special on the History Channel..." Next came the butter cow. Lady: "That doesn't look so hard. I bet I could do it!" When she opened her mouth for the last sculpture (a TV with footage of the moon landing playing) I quickly walked away. I was pushing Siri's stroller and didn't want to "accidently" run into her. We spent 9.5 hours at the fair. Craziness, especially since we still didn't see everything we wanted to! The kids were really good though, and it was a lot of fun.
My family stuck around for most of the weekend. I got to spend some time with my nephew, Lyle. Lyle turned 4 on Thursday, and he is 100% boy. So different from playing with the girls. Lyle is a redheaded daredevil. He is hilarious. He spent part of the day on Saturday telling stories about finding a monster in a bathroom with his friend Swordfight. He kept stopping and asking if we really wanted to hear the story because it was pretty scary. When everyone else was taking naps, Lyle and I played Memory. Now, Lyle is one of the nicest little boys I've ever met, and working with preschoolers, I met a lot of little boys. One thing about Lyle, however, is that Lyle HATES to lose. He must win at everything. When we played, he got all my matches, and at the end of every game, he said, "I win, you lose." What a hoot. We had a nice talk about sportsmanship, and the last game he said, "I win, you lose...well, maybe you, we tied!" Haha. What a good compromise.
So many stories, and yet I am bored. I want to get up early-ish in the morning, so I will end with my "almost spit-take" of the weekend:
*We were at home after the long day at the fair. We all had glasses of milk.*
Mom: This milk tastes really good.
Emily: It really does. Now I almost wish I had used one of those milk vending machines at the fair.
Me: Emily, those are called cows.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


Okay so I'm laughing really hard right now. I love cheesy movies as much as anyone, probably more than is healthy for a 25 year old, and "A Cinderella Story" is on. I love the movie. I own the movie. I tuned in at the ball scene, and it suddenly just struck me as really really funny. She's at the ball, with a mask that goes just across her eyes...and he doesn't know who she is! Okay, believable at the ball, it's dark, hormones are high, brains aren't getting as much oxygen, whatever. But then when he sees her again he doesn't realize it? Her voice? Her eyes? Her...uhhh...well, the rest of her except for that strip around her eyes? Are guys really just that unobservant? Don't answer that... Not to mention her step sisters have NO IDEA that it's her. Of course not. Neither does anyone else. Same thing happens in "Another Cinderella Story," another movie I own and love, but again, what's with everyone being fooled by an eye mask? It's amazing. And they are interviewing all these girls, most of whom obviously don't fit the profile. Those masks! I'm going to wear one tomorrow and pretend to be Julia Roberts. Just for kicks. Nobody will know, because I'll be wearing an eye mask.

So here's what I'm thinking...forget witness protection. Give everyone masks! Spies? I think the US government has seriously overlooked this amazing disguise. Perhaps they should watch more teenybopper chick flicks.

It is HOT here. Like, serious heat. Hit almost 110 degree heat index today. Gross, right? Sometimes I think Iowa is not the place for me to live. I mean, I hate the heat of summer. I hate the cold of winter. I need to find a place where it's always spring or fall. 60s and 70s. Ahhh, that would be perfect. ... ... ... Whoops, sorry, went to my happy place for a second there.

It finally rained here yesterday. I know, front page news, right? But it hadn't rained forever, so it was good, but I had to get up instead of getting to stay in bed and enjoy the thunder, so it was bad. All in all not the best Friday ever. We got paid, which is good, but my mileage, which I was expecting, was not on the check, which was bad. Very bad. Because after paying my bills, I have maybe just enough to pay for gas for the next two weeks, but not enough for silly things like food. Good times, eh? Since I spend a couple/few hundred dollars per month on gas, it makes a huge difference.

Gosh, sorry, that was a random depressing tangent. I'm just a bit stressed, haha. And my eye is twitching. I asked the eye doctor why my eye wouldn't stop twitching. He told me I need to get more sleep and decrease the stress in my life. To which I said HA! He also said to take a vacation, because I'd be amazed at how quickly the twitch went away. He is such a comedian. Isn't he, Phyllis? (wink wink) Anyway, I'm trying out the nickname "Twitchy." Might as well live it up, eh?

I'd like to end with something clever, but I got nothing. I have to watch the end of this totally realistic and believable movie and pretend that I'm Cinderella;) (You know I love it!)

PS - Random info...I just published this, and it's about 10:55 pm. The time stamp said 8:03. It's always completely random. Go figure. Just thought I'd share!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


You remember on old blogs, like LiveJournal (had one!) and Xanga (had one of those too!) you could put your mood and what you were listening to? Well, I would like everyone to know that my mood is "sleepy" and I'm listening to "Hero" by Skillet. Really I just wanted everyone to go and listen to Hero. I love Skillet. Of course, they are a little harder rock, so I can't say for sure that everyone would like them. They are the type of music that I blast when I'm in a bad mood, and it's like it sucks the poison of bad moodiness right out of me. Love it. Oh darn, the song is over...repeat!

So I have a confession to make. My last entry was a joke. I know, shocking right? In fact, I think I will do even less structure. Boo to structure! I don't even do my progress notes in the structure they're in. I skip around and up and down. Don't tell my boss! (Hi, Amanda!) I was reading through old surveys that I've done on Facebook today and, I'm clever. Or was it crazy? Who knows? *shrug*

I have an update on the birds. I was at my sister's most of the weekend, and I saw them practicing their formations on the prairie. You know how they all just "happen" to know when to swoop and where the lead bird is going? Yeah, right. Like I said, smarter than we think! I swear one was listening in on my conversation today. Doubt if you will...we'll see who is laughing...

(I'm listening to another song off the new Skillet album on's good)

So on a more serious note...oh who am I kidding? I can't be serious after talking about the birds! I mean, how much seriousness can you take in one blog? So instead...I was driving today (I drive a lot), and I was wondering what we would all look like if cars were invisible. Like, all you saw were people floating along the road. Just take a moment and picture it. I may or may not have been thinking this because I was driving in a really strange position. But you can't prove anything.

Okay so I just took a lil break from this. Here's what happened. My song finished, so I thought I would listen to something else. What better than something by Drew Seeley since he'll be here in a little over week? (Don't worry, I am not weirdo obsessed, I don't even think I'll marry him anymore;)) So anyway, that was still a bad idea, because I got sucked in to watching music videos, and there was one for "New Classic" which I like. I had to giggle though, because there was just one random butt shot. Really quick though. Like, wait, what, did I just see that? Good times. I have moved on and I'm listening to less focus-worthy music now. Haha.

I went and ordered my two bridesmaid's dresses this past weekend. It took 45 minutes, and five of them were spent actually trying on the dresses. The funny part is that I brought my sister and she convinced me that for the wedding where I get to pick whichever dress I want, I should get the exact same style as I'm getting for the other one. So I will have two of the same dress, just different colors. Stellar. Too bad they didn't pick the same colors! We went shopping afterwards, and I think shopping is funny. You may have realized by now that it really doesn't take much to amuse me. What I noticed was that the bigger the clothes get, the sparklier they get. Like, from shimmery fabrics to little beads, to sequins, to hideous giant rhinestones. Apparently big people like shiny things. Or they think that the sparkles will distract them. Here's a tip, clothes designers...that only works on me! And even I didn't fall for it. Sheesh.

I watched just a little bit of that "More to Love" show tonight, and I gotta say, I'm not as big a fan of it anymore. I get the first week showing people sad and stuff about not finding love and feeling like it's because they're fat. But basically the show is portraying all fat people as being sad all the time. Many of the interviews showed the girls crying, and a lot of them spent their one on one time with the guy crying too. Hey, I understand where they're coming from! Believe me! But seriously, if I were a guy and every girl I went on a date with started crying, I'd start to get a little annoyed. Besides, eh...well...never mind. It's reality tv, ie, muchly staged. Yes, muchly is a word tonight.

In the work world, we got new wireless cards for our computer and had to come up with a check out system. Phyllis* made up a sheet and we are naming the cards. That's right, not numbering them, naming them. I'm not sure where the idea came from....*innocent face* I got to name them :) I think I need a label maker. This is the perfect opportunity to use one, and I don't have one. Never mind that they had to take my label maker away at my last job...just because I labeled everything in sight and wanted to start labeling children...I don't have a problem! I could have quit without their help if I wanted to!

Awww, Billy Mays is on TV yelling about the Tool Band-it, an magnetized arm band that can hold a 25 POUND WEIGHT!!! You stick things to it so that you don't stumble around and lose your tools and bump your head looking for them or stick your tongue with spare nails. Home repair can be dangerous without magnets. RIP Billy!

* Hi Andrea!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


*Gasp!* A journal entry two days in a row??? I know, right? Complete insanity. But this is important. There is an issue that needs to be addressed now. And, being the author of this journal, I'm pretty much the only one able to do so.

I spent the past little while reading some other blogs online and I have come to the conclusion that I'm doing it all wrong. I am completely random. What I really need is some structure in my entries. Yes, I am decided. I will give it a try. Here goes...

This morning I woke up at 7:13 am. I did not want to get up, so I didn't. But then I did. I sat up and swung my right leg off the bed first, then my left as I sat up. I turned off my alarm (well I might have done that before sitting up) and reached for my contacts. Right eye first, then left. Then I got up and used the rest room. (If you need more details, please let me know) After that I showered. I washed my hair (shampoo and then conditioner) and used my sparkle body wash that I bought so I could be like a vampire. Then I got out and dried off. I stared at my clothes for a long time and then decided on black pants and a black shirt with some other stuff on it. Then I scrunched my hair with mousse since I didn't have time to dry and flat iron it. I put on my eyeliner in the bathroom and then went to do my makeup. Concealer, foundation, mascara. Then it was time for a breakfast of leftover pizza. Yum. I heated it for 2 minutes. I brushed my teeth, put my book in my bag and my phone in my purse, and walked out the door. I locked it behind me.

I had to drive to my sister's house first because my work phone was left there last night. I also got a letter at her house telling me to do some doctorate program. I don't think I will. Then it was 8:30 and I was winging (driving) my way toward Winterset. I listened to an interesting voicemail and made some phone calls. I heard 11 songs and 4 commercials on 99.5. I had my session, then headed back towards Des Moines, singing at the top of my lungs. Then I talked to Andr...errr...Phyllis. Back at the office we had some staffing time and I got a phone call. I talked for 12 minutes and 23 seconds. Then the team went to lunch at Legends. I rode with Heather in her new car. I had a cheeseburger and fries. And Sprite. Back to the office and had superivision. It went well. Then a little while to study my session plan and off to another session. The new girl came with me and we talked about the job and other things. Session went well. Back to Des Moines to drop Nicole off and then I went home. Traffic was heavy. Early night though, home just before 6. Nine hours. Not too bad.

I talked with Emily. And played on Twitter. And ate supper. And watched the Real World. And didn't clean. Now I'm watching The Nanny. I will go to bed soon. My mouth stitches hurt. It's hot in my apartment. My pinky toe itches. My eye is twitching. *Moan moan moan complain complain complain*

The end.

So what do you think? You see how I did that? All structurey and stuff? One thing after another. And I absolutely didn't forget to complain about everything that is wrong. I mean, everyone likes to read about it, right? This is why I should always do my homework. I'm feeling good about this change...I'm sure it's one that will keep people coming back to my journal day after day. :D

PS This was supposed to be much more clever, with lots more detail, but I got bored a paragraph in. Seriously, forget people not actually wanting to read about every detail of someone's day, but I can't imagine wanting to take the time to type it all out!! My life is not that exciting. Not even close.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


I gotta say...tonight is a little bittersweet. I mean...I'm all for happy endings, but it's the ending part that is hard. What will my life look like now? How will I adjust? I just can't believe it's over. Things are going to be so different. I'm a bit choked up...hold on a moment.

Okay. I think I'm okay to continue. As you might have guessed, another season of the Bachelorette has passed. What? You thought it was worse than that?? Obviously you don't know me very well. As far as guilty pleasures go, Bachelor and Bachelorette top my list. It's bad. Very bad. But oh so good. So very very good. Who knows if it will last. Maybe they'll be couple number 2 (of 17 seasons) to actually get married. I mean, what better way to start a relationship than by dating 30 men at once? Really, it's quite a fabulous idea. But really, I do hope the best for them. Ed was my favorite from the beginning, but I've heard rumors...oh well. Not my life. Ha.

Watched the new "Bachelor-esque" series tonight, "More to Love." Not bad. Rings instead of roses. Although I'm not sure I would trust a guy who gave me a promise ring if he gave one to 14 other women at the same time. At least there are no secrets, eh? There's a girl from Ankeny on it though! I'm rooting for her for now because she's representing for the coolest town in Iowa. Haha...

I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind. Just this week (and mind, it's only Tuesday), I have told someone I work in Warren County (never have), lost my work phone (actually both my phones, but the work on is actually across town), and planned to ask my dentist about my eye twitch. We have a new girl who started on our team yesterday, and she probably thinks I've completely lost my mind already. I mean, everyone comes to that conclusion eventually, but this is only day 2. Good stuff.

In follow-up to my bird paragraph from my last post, someone at work asked me why it is that birds poop more on her new red car than they did on her old white car. Well. I take this as further evidence that birds are smarter than we think. Reasons why they poop on it? 1) It's new. 2) It's red. Yes yes. I also firmly believe that the birds with tummy aches take particular pleasure in defacing shiny new cars. Or just clean cars. They're out to get us. For real. (Okay, this paragraph does not do anything to discourage anyone from thinking I'm insane.)

Finally...a confession...I've joined Twitter! I avoided it for a long time. I mean, really, my life isn't that interesting. Sadly, I am very entertained by tweeting several times a day. Even if no one reads them but me. I think I'm up to 7 followers. I'm almost celebrity status. Haha. I'm such a nerd. So everyone should follow me, so I get emails saying that people are following me and I can feel all stalked and stuff. @auntierena Go. Now.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Whoops, there goes my arm

I'm pretty sure I might be falling apart. Or at least my eyes and ears might fall out. Don't freak out. I'm sure I won't look that weird. And I can wear a cool eye patch and have gold teeth. I will be a pirate! I mean, I always wanted to be a ninja, but a pirate is pretty cool too, right? Not a bad alternative.

Today I got to drive all the way to Perry, then turn around and come home. Love those days. They're the best. You ever have those days when you have to put a positive spin on everything or else you might run away join the circus? Yeah, that's today. We went out for Phyllis' birthday today though. (Andrea, it's hard to type your fake name.) That was fun. Man, I'm boring.

I have decided that birds are smarter than we think. Yes, birds. I have always wondered why they always manage to fly across the road right in front of my car. I think those are the daredevil birds. You know, the juvenile delinquent birds who like to risk their lives. Like, "Dude, I dare you to fly out in front of that semi!" "Naw, dude, those things are too hot, how about that little Bug?" "No way, ya wimp! Grow a pair and get out there!" "Fine fine, I'll go in front of whatever car comes!" This is the part where the bird scares the crap out of me by flying out of the ditch and right into my path. I'm pretty sure after some of the near misses, those birds wait a while before car surfing again. Crazy birds...

I'm watching a show on TLC about a little girl with Progeria. It's that disease that makes kids age super fast. Very sad, because these kids are some of the cutest ever, and this little girl is mature beyond her years. She hasn't gotten to have much of a childhood because she has health issues and is constantly dealing with death and the possibility of death. She went to a friend's funeral and she was upset because their last conversation had been an argument over a DS. Kids shouldn't have to worry about that! So very sad.

In other very exciting news, Drew Seeley is playing at the Iowa State Fair for FREE!! I'm excited because I will finally get to meet him and we can start planning our wedding. I was thinking a spring wedding would be nice... Trust and believe you will hear more about this as the time gets closer.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Ode to accents, among other things

I think probably my favorite thing about watching Harry Potter is the accents. Don't get me wrong, I love the stories, but no movie will ever live up to the books. But I can't read an entire book in a fake accent, so watching the movies gives me my fill of accents. I often talk in an accent for several hours (minutes) following the movies. Love it. I'm pretty sure I should have been born with an accent. Or not. I doubt I would appreciate it as much. Oh! Maybe I would want an American accent then. Who knows. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, I want to marry a man with an accent. The end.

I was reading one of my favorite blogs today, and there was a huge debate about Harry Potter and whether it was "good literature" or if it was satanic or any of the crap. One person went so far as to say she would rather her children be illiterate than read Harry Potter. Let's just get this straight. Okay, class? Are you ready for this? Are you sure?? Harry Potter is a work of FICTION. I know, I know, shocking. It is creative and fun, and has caused a whole generation of kids to love reading. It is not meant to teach satanism, and is, at its core, a story of good versus evil, where good triumphs because of love. It is full of lessons of friendship and courage, and standing up for truth. Okay, okay, I know, a bit dramatic. But still. I love the humor, and the visual pictures that JK Rowling paints. It is never hard for me to imagine what is supposed to be going on. The movies, of course, do not live up to the books, but they are decent as well. Just had to get my little defense in there, haha.

Someone also said they would not read Harry Potter because it is popular, and popular books are never good. See, to me that just seems silly. Obviously they are popular for a reason! Now, not every popular book is my cup of tea, but that's okay. I just love books in general. When I was little I would go to the library and take out tons of books and just read constantly. I could get through five Sweet Valley books a day. Good times. I admit, sometimes I have thought the same way about popular books. I was not going to read Twilight. Actually, it was more the vampire part than the popular part, come to think of it. But I read them. And loved them. And read them again...and again...and again...and again. Love it.

Wow, I'm sorry about this blog. It isn't entertaining at all. Just random. Which is what I warned everyone about at the start... I'll just end with one more thing for you HP and Twilight fans...

EDIT: Okay, this post was totally lame. What I was trying to say was, don't be a punk and let what is popular rule your life, whether by doing everything that is popular or by avoiding it. Be a man (or woman) and decide for yourself!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Coolorado (Yes, you read it right)

To my four faithful readers - I apologize for my long silence. I was, of course, busy being on vacation in beautiful Coolorado, as I will now refer to it, because, well, it's just that cool. I won't bore you with a lot of details of the trip, but there were some enjoyable highlights I'll share because I feel like it, and, let's face it, this is my blog and I'll do what I want! So...

-Car ride with sister in law, a 3 yr old, and a 1 yr old. Surprisingly uneventful. It was actually enjoyable. Maybe I psyched myself up to travel with young kids and overprepared, but they're such good little ones... Of course, I was doing most of the driving and little of the entertaining, so perhaps my perspective was a bit skewed ;)

-Gelato that tastes like cake batter. 'Nuff said.

-Sexy Pizza. Yes, there is a pizza place called Sexy Pizza in Denver. And boy did we ever look sexy as we sat out front, cheese dangling from our mouths as we huddled under the minute pieces of shade. (And yes, my pizza was naked* according to Phyllis**)

-A free haircut. Anything that doesn't cost money is okay in my book. This was even better, because my cousin did a phenomenal job. And I don't break out words like that for nothing. Anyone in the Denver area who needs a good haircut, talk to me. I'll hook you up;). (Meaning, of course, that I'll tell you where she works, not that you can get a free haircut. Girl's gotta eat!)

-Good friends. Not to be sappy and sentimental (okay maybe a little), but I really have some of the best friends in the world, and it was so good to be able to see them for a couple days! Plus, who else would sing with me in the pool? And the car? And the mountains?? Oh the beautiful mountains.

-Floating lessons. Some people are sinkers, some are floaters. We're kinda like poo that way. (Sorry, that was in very poor taste, but we used to have a book with all sorts of scientific facts and there was one picture of a boy sitting on the toilet thinking, "Will it be a sinker or a floater?" beside a bit on poop. No, I'm not joking. So now every time I hear "sinker" or "floater" I can't help but think about that book. Wonder where it ended up...) Sorry, tangent. I tried to teach my friend how to float, but she just kept sinking. And it is no problem for me to float...I treaded water for a very long time. I think it has to do with built-in floatation devices...*blush*

-Getting locked in an entryway. Apparently some genius thought it would be a good idea to have a set of doors you could get into but not out of directly before a set of doors that were deadbolted. No signs. No warnings. It was hilarious. We pounded on the door and got jokingly scolded for trying, but hey, we were guests, we didn't know any better. I like to think we made an old man's job just a little more interesting that day.

-Family reunion. 40 people (10 kids age 4 and under)=complete and utter chaos. But fun. My family is crazy (whose family isn't, really?) and we only all get together about once a year. But that's better than a lot of families, I suppose. And there's a reason we only do it once a year...I need that long to recover! Haha. I could fill a lot of time with stories, but most of them would not be amusing at all unless you knew the people, so let's just skip that, shall we?

And finally, a short story about a girl with a dream...a dream to ride down a river full of sharp rocks and angry water on an inflated bit of rubber. Some call it white water rafting. I call it an extremely fun lapse in judgment. Actually, it wasn't anything like a lifelong dream...just a whim. So that's where our story begins...

It was a dark and stormy morning...okay that's a total lie, it was a gorgeous day, but early, and all early mornings seem dark and stormy. Nina got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. As she woke up more fully, the butterflies started. Perhaps to be more topical, we should say that the white water rapids started in her stomach. Nevertheless, she got ready and went down to meet the rest of the crazies...ahem...the members of her family who were going rafting. Unfortunately, no one else showed up at the appointed time. Nina frantically began calling everyone she could think of. Finally, Bobbin and her mom Flitty joined her, and a few minutes later, Nina's mountain-man brother Ken and cousin Kerry showed up. The party was complete. It was time to depart.

Of course, no one knew exactly where they were going, but, relying on vague signs and mapquest, the group made it to the rafting headquarters. They signed lengthy documents saying that if they died, no one was to blame, and then paid their money. Nina, unfortunately, wore flip-flops for the occasion, and was required to turn in her license for a pair of boots. Lucky for her, they were sexy and black, with just the right amount of holes. They looked especially good with the capris. Really. The group donned bright yellow helmets (better for spotting when someone is catapaulted off the raft) and got in line for life jackets. Now, the trick with the life jacket is to make it just tight enough so you can't get a full breath...too tight, the life jacket will slowly suffocate you, not tight enough, the life jacket will escape you should you end up in the water.

Finally, the groups boarded the bus. The safety talk guy, Barry, started out by asking whose first time it was. A good portion of the people on the bus raised their hands at this, to which Barry replied, "Yeah, I know the first time I rode a bus, I was pretty nervous too!" Hence began the most amusing "here's how not to die" talk that ever existed. Who knew death could be so entertaining? Barry spent a lot of time telling the group how not to die, what to do if they thought they're going to die, and how to prevent others from dying. Having sufficiently scared the majority of the people on the bus, Barry sat down to let them dwell on their life. Sufficient time for the whole life flashback thing. Nina watched out the window as other rafts floated down the river, wondering why they were all sitting on the edge of the rafts, therefore that much closer to death.

Finally, the bus reached its destination. Everyone waddled off the bus in their life jackets and helmets, and congregated. A photographer wandered around snapping pictures of the groups, perhaps for identification purposes. At last, Nina's group was called forward. Their raft guide was an outdoorsy girl with super long dreds. She gave them a bit more of a death talk and asked who wanted to go in front. Ken and Kerry were the strongest, so they volunteered. Aunt Flitty was excited to be the "queen" and not have to paddle. Nina and Bobbin sat in the middle. Armed with paddles, the raft pushed off and they were away!

The very first big rapid was the biggest of the entire trip, a level 4. Immediately the raft headed straight for a rock. "High side!" yelled the guide. Confused, each person went in their own direction. Thankfully, the rock showed mercy and everyone stayed on the boat. A paddle high five sealed their success at tackling a very difficult rapid.

Along the way, the rafters were invited to jump out of the boat and take a short swim. Not willing to risk an inability to get back into the boat, Nina stayed put. However, Bobbin, Ken, and Kerry all took a dip. Kerry almost did not make it back to the boat, and was taunted by Barry in the boat behind, who said, "You're gonna have to swim harder!" and showed no inclination to offer service.

As the rafting adventure drew to a close, Barry showed his penchant for spontenaity one more time. His raft drew ahead of Nina's, and as they passed under a bridge, Barry stood up, grabbed the bridge, and hung like a monkey. As Nina's raft passed under the bridge, Barry dropped, and achieved a soft landing...on top of Aunt Flitty! After a bit of bumper rafts to return Barry to his abandoned crew, Nina's raft reached its destination, and the end of the adventure had come at last.

The groups headed back to headquarters, where Nina gratefully retrieved her license, although she was reluctant to turn in her sexy boots. The group bought a CD of pictures showing them all looking very suave, like professional rafters (the looks of terror were totally staged). All purchased t-shirts as proof they had survived. Nina and Ken got ones that read, "I enjoy a good dump." Perhaps not very professional or mature, but stinkin hilarious. The end.

(Guess what. Nina was ME. Had you fooled, didn't I? Thanks to my fellow rafters, Ben, Kitty, Robin, and Cherie, and the entertaining guide, Gary.)
(Disclaimer: This story should in no way reflect my writing abilities. It is just for fun, has not been edited or checked for...well...anything! Take it as it is and enjoy!)

* Naked pizza = Cheese pizza. You might, like me, say that cheese is a topping, but to quote my buddy Phyllis**, "Saying a pizza isn't naked because it has cheese on it is like saying I'm not naked, I have skin on."
** Name has been changed to protect the identity of someone who might not want to be affiliated with me. (Is that name choice okay with you, Andrea?)

Monday, June 29, 2009


I have a love/hate relationship with a little show some of you may have heard of...The Bachelorette! Really, it's a stupid concept for a show. When in real life would it be okay for someone to date 30 people at the same time? Most people break up over one extra person in a relationship. It's silly. Plus, how gross is it that this one woman is making out with like five guys a night? Ew! After the first one, isn't it like they're all making out with each other?? And yet...

I am soooo addicted to this show! I don't know why. I look forward to it all day Monday, and then I am glued to my set. I am emotionally invested in this show. I rant and rave and come close to throwing things at the screen every time one particular bachelor comes on the screen and opens up his lie hole. I tear up when my favorites get sent home. Really, what does it matter? What do I care? Unless she's going to send some of her leftovers my way... I have no more comments on the show. It's been an emotional night...

In other news...despite my best P-life efforts, I managed to get my apartment 99% clean and I am about 90% packed. Pretty darn good. I'll go ahead and give myself a pat on the back. Work was loooong today, but not too bad. Productive, actually. I think I had some unprocrastinationalism left over. Yes, it's a word. You don't need to look it up. Nothing cool happened though.

Ooo what was nice though was realizing that there are more true blue P-lifers out there than I thought! We should start a support group! Apparently they're all slightly ashamed of their lifestyle. I say, EMBRACE IT! LIVE IT! LOVE IT! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!


I think my sister in law just pulled up...time to brace myself for a 3 year old and a 1 year old in my very much not baby proofed apartment! Now where is my butterfly net...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Just a couple things I am NOT good at

I am not a fan of cleaning. I don't like it, and I don't do it well. I mean, I totally can, but I just don't care enough. Also, while I am a HUGE fan of vacations and leaving town, I despise packing. And unpacking. Sometimes I wish I could have a backpack that all my belongings fit into. Or learn to teleport. That would be the best.

What's the point of all this, you ask? Well, I am currently less than 30 hours away from leaving on a trip to Colorado! I'll be gone a week, and I'm super pumped, but I'm currently at that stage where I really can't put things off any longer, but I still desperately attempt to. I have company showing up tomorrow night in the form of my sister in law and her two kids, and I have to try to stuff a week's worth of clothes, toiletries, entertainment, etc into two duffel bags. Unfortunately, I highly doubt that my TV and Wii will fit in the car, so no Animal Crossing for a week! (More on that fabulous game at a later date and time I'm certain.)

So that brings me to something I am extraordinarily good at (and it's not spelling, judging by the number of times I am using the backspace key in this post): procrastination. Now, some people claim to be good at procrastinating, but it really takes a special form of dedication to fully embrace the procrastinator's lifestyle. (I am not typing that word again, it takes like five minutes each time I try. From now on I will refer to it as the "P-life.") Most people are far too OCD to be fully P-life. Sure, let a couple dishes sit in the sink for a couple days...but a true P-lifer will use every single clean dish and then eat out just to avoid filling the dishwasher. Yes, folks, it has gotten that bad before. Some people let the garbage fill up and maybe even overflow a bit before taking it out. Amateurs. The trick is to not put all the garbage in one spot...fill a shopping bag over here, a garbage bag over there, make a pile on the table of old mail and the time you finally take that trash down to the dumpster, you can really make the trip worth it with three or four full garbage bags! College was terrible. Why start a research paper right away when you can wait until the day (or night) before? I know what you're thinking. All college students do that, right? The difference between a typical college student and a P-lifer is that the P-lifer is able to get decent grades on said papers. P-life is an artform.* I could go on, and I am tempted to, but I do need to get through this post and get to it...It's almost midnight and I have to be at the dentist at 8am tomorrow...and of course I have a bit of cleaning and packing yet to do tonight! Just have to finish watching Twilight first...

Another night, another pointless, random post. I think I'm off to a good start!

*Disclaimers: First of all, I realize I sound completely disgusting. I promise, it's not as bad as it sounds...most of the time. Second, I in no way recommend waiting until the day or night before do to a college paper. Unless you're good at it or have something better to do. Finally...well...I'll get to that later...

Saturday, June 27, 2009


So. Here I am again. Writing a blog. Last time I kept one of these, the word "blog" wasn't even widely used. I called it my "online journal." So sophisticated, right? I sure thought so. However, it's been a good year since I wrote in my old one, and I decided to start fresh. Since everyone uses blogger, I decided, hey, why not? I'm a follower, I'd like to follow this trend too!

Wow, that was an incredibly wordy and boring introduction to this journal. I honestly don't know what will come of it at this point. I have no angle, no special topics to cover. Just me. Rambling. Randomly.

So a few random facts about me. I live in Iowa, and I'm not ashamed by that fact (most days). I work as a family therapist. When I graduated from graduate school, I said I would take any job as long as it didn't involve teenagers or doing home-based work. Big joke on me, I work with teens and their families in their homes. Not just teens, but teens in the juvenile justice system. Sweet, eh? Let's see, what else? I just totally spaced out for like five minutes. Where was I? I have three nieces and one nephew from one brother and one sister. I am the youngest child in my family, and I milk it when I can. I love fall, but my favorite holiday is Christmas. I secretly believe I was meant to be born in England or Australia, mostly because I'm obsessed with those accents. But who isn't, really? Aaaaand, that's enough for now. Can't reveal everything on a first date, right? Gotta leave 'em wanting more. That's right, that's how I roll.