Thursday, October 29, 2009

A bit of a rant

Okay, so this will be a fairly short entry, I think. But it should satisfy those complainers who say I don't update enough, as well as my need to spew about stupid people.

I was the gym this morning, truckin along on the treadmill, and I was watching MTV Cribs. I don't typically watch the show, because it annoys me, but there wasn't much else on. I am just blown away by how greedy and prideful people are because they have money. The attitude of "I have money, so I need to have all sorts of extravagant things and I deserve special treatment" seems to be a common theme. First, I got to take a peek at Danny Bonaduce's place. He was so proud of his gym, especially his sauna, which he said was good for hangovers. Way to promote drinking on MTV, buddy. Not that it isn't already. And he didn't just mention it once. Plus, he pointed out how his punching bag was positioned so that if his girlfriend is on the treadmill, he can swing it and take her out. Nice. Need to get me a man like that. Hubba hubba. Vomit. The kitchen was awesome. Contents of the fridge? Muscle milk and champagne. His explanation? He drinks the muscle milk to win fights and then deserves the champagne after. He bragged about having 12 plasma screen tvs, and spiced up his tour by making all sorts of sexual innuendos. Real classy guy, that one.

I don't remember the names of the other two I saw, but the last one wasn't any better than ol Danny-boy. He had to show off his stripper pole in his bedroom, and gave the tour in terms of what he uses on "dates." Idiot. Plus, he had about a million cars. Because we all need that many. And he said something along the lines of, if you have the money to buy a car like this, you gotta have a chauffer, because you deserve it. Yeah. Right. Because money means you deserve more. I hate that attitude. It drives me crazier than anything else.

I did appreciate the guy in the middle. He is a snowboarder. He was super respectful, and really just showed off his place in a way that showed he was proud, but not prideful. He was appreciative. He included his daughter and wife, and talked about how awesome they were. And guess what. He and his wife share a car. No joke. How many people do that these days? Of course he had some extravagances, but it wasn't over the top, and I really think his attitude made all the difference. And he had a wooly in a person dressed as a wooly mammoth to entertain his daughter. That was actually pretty amusing.

So this whole thing bugs me so much because there are so many people struggling out there, and these people are like, dude, I'm so awesome, I deserve what I have, no I don't need to share because no one else deserves what I have, blah blah blah. Idiots. I work with people every day who are struggling to get by, and they work 10 times as hard as any of those people living it up with their plasma screens and jacuzzis and stripper poles. They are supporting spouses and kids and extended family and beyond.

I could probably say a lot more on the subject, but I'm all ranted out for now, and I have to go to work. 10 hour day, woohoo!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Take me to your leader

Sometimes when I'm going somewhere or doing something (I know, descriptive, right?), I like to think how people from another time in history or even another planet might react to the way we live. Okay, okay, I know. My brain is a swirling vortex of strangeness. But this is even more in my mind lately because I just read a book where people from a primitive culture are transported to a time of high technology and see cars and lights and TVs and everything for the first time. (I like those sorts of books, go ahead, call me a geek, my 2 year old niece does.) I wonder what people would say about a "magic box" you could put food in cold and take it out hot. Or one that you can put hot food in and it comes out frozen. They'd probably think we were super lazy, with all the things we do to save time. I wonder what they'd think of little people running behind glass screens. Or even tinier people singing from boxes. Tonight I was at the mall, and I also had to think what they would think of stores. For example, the plastic people standing around in weird clothes. Worse, the headless orange mannequins. And the very worst thing I saw tonight: jean-clad legs hanging from the ceiling. Yes, I know, appalling, right?

Today was my lil Allie's 2nd birthday. Lots of fun. I spent the morning dealing with car issues and working. I was at the garage at 7:30 in the morning and saw several people go through. One guy creeped me out. I was just sitting there, reading my book and kinda watching the Today show, and he came in and sat at the end of the waiting area, where he could kinda see the TV. There was an older gentleman there for a while sitting on the side facing the TV with me. The older guy left, and the creeper got up and got hot chocolate. Then, instead of going back to his seat, he sat directly across from me, where he couldn't see the TV (because it was next to him facing the same way) and stared at me. For a long time. It was so creepy. I kept my eyes glued to my book and tried to pick my nose a few times for good measure. Ugh.

I went with my sis and fam to celebrate Allie's birthday. We ate at the Pizza Hut at Target, which sounds strange, but was actually perfect for Allie because she loves it and loves "peetha." So cute. Then we went to Build-A-Bear for Allie's first experience. It was pretty cute. There was a party going on, and I have to say, anyone who takes responsibility for 10 8 year olds in that store should be nominated for sainthood. We were on our way out, and there was this mom looking around and she caught sight of a tiny wheelchair for the bears. Her comment? "Oh look, a wheelchair! That's hilarious!" Right lady. Freaking hilarious. Seriously. I suppose it made a little sense in the context, but can you imagine if someone said that anyplace else? Pretty sure there's something very not politically correct about that ;)

I had a dream the other night that I was eating Thanksgiving dinner here in Ankeny and then I realized that I was supposed to pick Angie up at the airport in Minneapolis at 12 and I hadn't left yet and Sandra wasn't here yet to ride with me. It was very stressful. Note to self: Go to Minneapolis the day before Thanksgiving. There, that should cover it.

My head is resting on my shoulder. I think that means my neck has ceased to function. I'm a little tired. I told Phyllis I was going to bed almost an hour ago. Whoops. Guess I should get on that. I have to drive tomorrow morning. Gotta go to my brother's. My mom is there and I need her to fix my bridesmaid dresses, because I don't sew. I fail at being a housewife. Which is okay because I'm not married. I had a dream I got there and had forgotten the dresses, so I opened my closet door and hung them on it. There is no way to get past without seeing them. Only the first part of that was the dream. The second part I really did. Just for clarification. (I know how you get confused, Phyllis!)

I'm not going to say what I'll talk about next time, because clearly this post wasn't about commonly used phrases, just like the last one wasn't about pants. I have these ideas and then...ker-splunk. They disappear. Yes, ker-splunk is a disappearing noise. For tonight anyway.

Monday, October 5, 2009

I made a list

"I lured him out with peanuts."
"I put a bag of peanuts in the backyard. He went out and ate 'em. Like a squirrel."

"I'll take care of your father when you die. But I'm renaming him Rusty."
LOL King of Queens.

So today I went to get the mail, and I found an issue of People magazine, along with a bill for over $100 for a year subscription. Hmm. Funny thing...I never subscribed! I'm thinking...I have no idea. The magazine fairy has a sick sense of humor.

This was on the heels of a visit to Walmart, which, as you all know, is always an interesting experience. You never know who you're going to run in to at Walmart. Just walking in I saw a crazy old man with hair all over pushing a cart full of things he definitely did not purchase at Walmart. Inside I ran into a bunch of people who like to park their carts on one side of the aisle and stand staring at the other side while I stand and wait patiently, mentally tapping my foot. (Okay I know the tenses don't match up in the sentence. Whatever.) At one point I was walking behind two people who were talking to themselves. I even looked at their ears to see if they had bluetooth headsets, but nope. The lady I ended up following until she came across an employee to scream at. She was like, "I've been looking for hours for x!" If it were me I'm not sure I would have been as polite as the employee. Because obviously it was his fault that she had wandered around aimlessly without asking for help before reaching her boiling point. I'm not the biggest fan of Walmart, but they are usually pretty helpful when you need something. Some people think the world revolves around them. Poor guy. Hope the lady didn't bite his head off.

It's raining. And cold. And someone said snow is possible for the weekend. And I'm pretending it is all lies. I am in my happy place where there is no such thing as snow, except for on weekends to play in, and then it's all gone by the time I have to drive to work. I don't think I'd mind snow so much if I didn't have to drive so much. Icy roads scare me.

I had a dream last night that there was a big snowstorm right before the Halloween fireworks. And they were trying to set up for the parade, but they got in accidents because they tried to block traffic as it was flowing. But the snow melted by the time the fireworks started, except I couldn't see them, because I think they were black. Random.

This morning I got a plastic cap put on my dental implant. It's weird looking, even worse than just not having a tooth there. Only three more weeks and my dental nightmares will be over!!! Except I'll be paying for them for years yet. Sigh. I had to laugh though. My dentist was working on my teeth, chatting as usual. I like him a lot, he's pretty entertaining. So he was talking and I was answering and he could understand me. Then he was done and I sat up, and he gave me a mirror to look at my "tooth," and I turned to him and said, "Gosh this looks just like a real tooth, no one will know the difference!" (Totally sarcastic) He blinked and said, "What?" I had to repeat myself, and then he laughed and said yes, it was a good disguise. However, it was just funny, because he never asks me to repeat myself while his fingers are in my mouth. Perhaps he's just too attuned to muffled speech, so clear speech is like alien language. *Shrug*

Guess what. Phyllis is the bestest. She told me I was special FOUR TIMES today! Sometimes I feel like maybe she isn't being completely sincere...but then I think, no, of course Phyllis really means it when she says I'm special. For reals. I think she was having issues today though...she kept talking to her iPod. Like, literally picking it up and speaking directly into it. It listened too, which made me wonder about her magical powers. I made her doubt her own sanity though. I was reading instructions on one of our databases, and I said one thing and then played innocent. I don't even remember what it was. But it was funny. Oh, and Phyllis always talks about how she swears. And then she swears. It's a very bad habit. I'm going to start washing her mouth out with hand sanitizer. I'll put it in her Jimmy John's.

I was telling Phyllis today about how I got something in the mail addressed to Renta (instead of Renata). That led to a discussion on renting people. And I said that being an employee is kind of like being rented by a company. Is that weird? Yes. Okay, but really, it's like, if you rent a car, you are paying for services for a while. Some things you rent hourly, some things you rent for longer times. Employees can be rented by the hour. Or they can be salaried. Or...okay this has gone down a very strange path and I'm going to stop and go to bed.

Next time: Commonly used phrases and their meanings. Maybe. If I feel like it.

Friday, October 2, 2009


As a therapist, I am exceedingly interested in the human condition. I enjoy observing people, how they react to things, what they do, and trying to figure out the motives behind it. Usually people don't realize they are being observed. Gosh, that sounds creepy. I promise I'm not a stalker. I just think that the things people do are fascinating. We're really kinda like animals. Wild ones. This morning I was working on some stuff and I had the TV on for background noise. I wasn't really paying attention when the show changed, and when I looked up, it was the Steve Wilkos show. I don't know how many of you are familiar with that show, but basically he's an ex-cop sorta guy and he yells at people and calls them names and takes away their chairs then kicks them off the stage. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone what a lot of these people have done. Some have done horrible things. But since when does yelling do any good? "You're the scum of the universe!!!!" "You know, you're right, this talk has helped, I'm going to go turn my life around." Yeah, right. In my experience, the more someone yells, the more defensive someone gets. So yeah, let's make these people angry and then send that back out into the world. Nice work, Steve, nice work.

The other thing that bothered me was that the audience was so into it. They heard one side of a story and were all in a frenzy against the other person, then they heard the other side and were all up in arms against the first person. It is just stupid. Again, so totally not condoning the behavior. But I guess my job has taught me that there is so much more to people that just their actions. How about we figure out what is behind the behavior? How about we connect them to resources, counseling, groups, etc, to help them change their lives around? If for no other reason to make sure that their actions can't hurt other people anymore, if it seems to hard to do it for the person's own benefit. I actually felt really sad for the guy that was being booed. He was standing there on stage looking around, and everyone around him was jeering and yelling and calling him names, people who had never seen him before this day and knew just a tiny bit of what was going on in his life, and he just looked so sad, like he didn't have a friend in the world. Yes, friends, this is what working with juvenile delinquents has done for me. It has made me realize that life is not black and white, and people are not good or bad. We're all a bit of both.

Jerry Springer came on when I was in the other room, and it was the same thing. The audience feeds off each other until they've whipped themselves into a frenzy and suddenly decide they are the experts on everyone else's lives. They stand up and yell obscenities and then chant and try and get people to fight. Because yes, this is productive. I'm sure everyone comes off that show feeling fabulous as well. Ugh. This is what happens when I only have a few channels. Look what I'm forced into! Haha.

"I know your name, Jake, I'm being condescending." LOL. Love Scrubs. Okay that was random.

I had an interesting conversation with my sister last night. Well, okay, does a text conversation count as a conversation? I think so. I wonder what other people's opinions are. Do looks matter? How much I would LOVE to say that they don't. That as long as you are beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. The optimist in me believes that. The realist in me thinks that's crap. Looks matter in so much of what we do! Again with people and their reactions and judgments. I mean, really. I have been out with some of my gorgeous friends, and it is an interesting experience. People react differently to people who are more attractive. As far as relationships go, no, looks should not be the most important thing. But when someone is looking for a relationship, the first thing they think is not, wow, look at the personality on that one! Even if someone gets to know a person who isn't considered that attractive, and likes them, how often do they really decide to take it to the next level if there is not physical attraction? Rarely. It happens, but it is the exception. Beauty fades, it's true, so then why is it so important to us? *Shrug*

Haha, this was a heavier entry. Oh well. Next time I'll talk about something