Saturday, September 19, 2009

Saturdays: Relaxing or boring?

It's Saturday. And I'm bored. There's nothing on TV. Good practice for me since I'm getting rid of cable. *gasp!* That's right. Gone. Kaput. Finito. It's too spendy, and makes my bank account ache. I read for a while, but I'm sleepy and it makes me sleepier. My life is scintillating. Did I spell that right? I don't really care.

I'm watching "Toddlers & Tiaras" and this woman just ordered a "flipper" for her 4 year old. I learned that a "flipper" is basically dentures for people with teeth. Seems redundant, but heaven forbid a 4 or 5 year old go onstage with a missing tooth. Because kids don't lose teeth. Ever. Haha, this mom just compared pageants to sports. I suppose they are about that intense. This is so weird and disturbing.

I'm heading to a BBQ for work in a little while. Well, I think so. I texted Phyllis a while ago and asked when I could come, and she never texted back, so I'm pretty sure she hates me. Because that's what it means when people don't text back. I'm hip with the lingo...or lack thereof! So I will park in her driveway and give her the silent treatment. And eat my jello. I went to a potluck last night and I brought 7 layer jello. It was a hit. It was an interesting get together. Have you ever stopped to think about how many different "languages" we speak? Last night was the first time I'd hung out with a group from a church in quite a while, well over a year. It was so much different than when I hang out with people from work! An outsider would probably think "church-speak" sounded a little creepy, but if you grew up in it, it's just comforting. At work, we have our own FFT lingo, which I can say from experience is very strange when you're on the outside. I have different languages I speak with my close friends, bulging (haha, yuck, I hate that word) with references to inside jokes or past experiences, as well as with my family. It's pretty funny to think about. It's also interesting to think how those worlds can overlap. What do you do when you're with people from two different areas of your life? Which language do you choose? Will my "church-speak" offend someone from another area of my life? Should I care? Ouch, my brain hurts.

I like the word livid. Quick, someone piss me off so I can say that I'm livid! Wait, now it just looks weird. Kinda like liver. Never mind.

I really want to go on a vacation. September is a long month, especially looking forward to October, where there is no vacation, and where November is just barely visible on the horizon, at the end of which is Thanksgiving. Then the fun begins with holidays. I really want to go out of the country. Someplace. Anyplace. Okay, not anyplace. Siberia would kinda suck. Anyplace cold would not be acceptable. I would like to go someplace where they speak in sexy accents. Then find someone to marry me. I was taking Facebook quizzes today (I was bored, remember) and according to Facebook, I will meet my love on December 16 of this year, so I guess I'm meeting someone at Kelly's wedding. And I'm supposed to get married on October 3, 2011. Sounds like a good timeline, eh? I would be 27, not too bad. And I know Facebook always tells the truth, because it said I was going to die at age 80 on an electrical pole during an earthquake. How can you doubt after something like that???

Ew, you're supposed to have 5 servings of vegetables a day? This could be a problem. Don't ask.

Almost time to leave. Just enough time for a quick nap.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ask your doctor if ______ is right for you!

I was driving home from work today and happened to look in my rearview mirror. There was a mustachioed man in the car behind me, and he was smiling big as anything. I don't know if he was talking on the phone, or thinking of something funny, or was just genuinely happy to be driving. I mean, when I get to go home at the end of the day, I know I sometimes can't keep the smile off my face. So I was enjoying sneaking peeks at this very happy man when I realized he was coming very close to the back of my car. Suddenly, instead of feeling buoyed by his smiles, I felt a bit threatened. What had been pleasant became sinister. The man behind me transformed into an evil traffic wedgie! He followed me off my exit, then in my first turn, on my tail the entire time. As I turned onto my street I cast one last nervous glance in my rearview mirror to check that he wasn't following me still, and I saw that the smile was wiped from his face and he was shaking his head at me. Like, how dare you turn! Or maybe he was disapproving of my street? I think it's a nice street... People are weird.

You know something that I think is getting worse lately? People's ability to listen. There are very few people I have conversations with anymore who ask how I am and actually want to hear the answer. And they get freaked out if I give a real answer instead of the standby "fine" or "good" or whatever other generic word you can think of. It seems like conversations have been reduced to little more than competitions, where each person uses the time the other is speaking to formulate what they want to say next, or to look for a way to bring the conversation back around to them. It's sad really. How often are we really listening to people? How much difference might it make if we took time to listen? Just thoughts bouncing around. Haha.

Sorry for that seriousness. Tonight I was contemplating the age old question: Why, oh why, so they make packs of hot dogs with 10 in them and packs of buns with only 8??? Seriously. Why should I have to buy four packs of hot dogs and five of buns just to make things even out? It's silly. I think it's a conspiracy. I think the hot dog and bun companies do it on purpose just to make people buy more. But really, it ends up making people waste food, or eat more than they need. The hot dog companies are responsible for the obesity in America! I've solved it!!!


I spent this past weekend in Sioux Falls at the Christian music festival Lifelight. It's one of the largest free outdoor festivals in the country. Pretty sweet. Kristen and I met up on Friday and headed west. There were some pretty awesome bands, and I ran into a ton of people I knew and hadn't seen for a while. Amazing how you can find so many friends in crowds of thousands of strangers:) Anyway, I'm assuming everyone out there has been to a concert at some point in their lives. I was thinking this weekend about the phenomenon of what I like to call "concert-speak." When a band is up on stage and they say, "How's everyone doing tonight?" the reply is always, "Whoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You never hear a chorus of "oh great!" or "wonderful!" or even "well, I'm having kind of a bad day, my toe hurts and my monkey ran away." Same with any other question. "Are you having fun??" "Wooooooo!!!!!" "Would you like to hear another one??" "WOoooooooo!" "Who here is from the area?" "WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine if we did this in every day life??
Susie: Hey, Johnny!
Johnny: *hands in the air* Wooooo!
S: Yeah... So how are you?
J: Wooooooo!!!
S: That's good...I...guess... Um. So what did you think of that presentation today?
S: So you liked it? I thought it was kind of boring. Aren't you presenting next week?
J: *jumping up and down with hands in the air* WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Yeah...uhhh...I gotta go. Nice talking to you... *walks away quickly*
J: *whistles* Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That would be weird. For sure. But kind of funny to do to someone. I dare you to do it. Seriously. Do it. DO IT NOW!!