Monday, May 23, 2011

I slay me

So today I checked my hotmail account, which I rarely use, and found that I had a comment on my livejournal blog, which I haven't used in...ohhh...five years or so. I clicked on the link and was plunged into nostalgia. Right smack in the middle of my senior year of college. I spent far too many hours reading through those entries, and then suddenly they ended. My 23 year old self decided to post exclusively on myspace! So I followed the trail to myspace, and was skimming through my entries, trying to find my place, when I found this beauty of an entry. Some things will never change...

You'll never guess what happened!

The craziest thing happened tonight. I was in my apartment and I had just finished talking to my grandparents. I like them a lot, they are fun talk to, and I learned a lot. I learn a lot at school too, although sometimes not as much as I should. It's cuz I play on the computer, and I love it, but it distracts me. Like bubbles. Bubbles are fun and remind me of sparkly things. My ring is sparkly. Sometimes I stare at it for hours on end. Then I realize I was supposed to be doing something else...

Oh yeah! So anyway, after I hung up, I decided to check the mail. I love snail mail, even though I don't get much. I don't really love snails though. They are slimy. One time I found a snail shell on a gravel road. That was when I lived in the country and I would ride my bike down to some mulberry bushes. I loved those mulberries. I would eat a lot of them and my whole face and all my fingers would be purple. That would have been better if purple was my favorite color. I don't remember what my favorite color was, but now it's red. I'm wearing red pants. They're comfy. I love comfy pants. I have to wear dress pants a lot of the time now and they're not so comfy. But that's part of the job, I suppose. Jobs are hard. And annoying. Cuz sometimes I just wanna lay around and do nothing. But I can't. Cuz I work. But I don't whistle while I work. Kids and clients would find it annoying. Actually sometimes I whistle for the kids and they try but they can't do it and if we have crackers for snack they spew crumbs all over. I don't like the word spew...

So I got Jill's mail and was headed back to my apartment when I saw that the door to an empty apartment was open. It was dark inside. I don't like the dark. Or open doors when it's dark. Nothing good can come from a dark open door. In scary movies there are always dark rooms and the people always go in and that's where the bad guys are always hiding. Bad guys are not funny. Well sometimes they are, but not in real life. But real life sucks sometimes. I would rather live in the not real world. But not really cuz then it wouldn't be real. You know what I mean, right?

So I ventured into the apartment cuz I was wondering why the door was open. It was cold in there. Cold is no fun. I am not happy that it's winter. Christmas is the only good thing about winter. I love Christmas. We have a Christmas tree. Trees are nice. They give us air. Air is nice, it keeps us alive. Being alive is nice because you get to eat chocolate. I really like chocolate. I went through a phase once when I always craved chocolate cake. I also went through a phase when I did my hair differently every day. I like my hair. It is growing long. I used to have long hair when I was little, and it was cuter then cuz it was thinner, not big and bushy. Bushes are nice, but they can hurt if you try to play in them.

I turned on the light and have you ever wondered how electricity works? I mean, wow, those people are SMART. Like computers, or any technology. I can't believe what they've come up with. I doubt I will ever come close to being that smart. My sister is smart. She is probably a genius. Maddy will be a genius too. She talks a lot. The other day she was calling her doll Auntie Rena and feeding her rice crispies. I like rice crispies, but I don't eat them very often. I prefer honey nut cheerios because they don't get soggy as fast. Soggy stuff is gross. It reminds me of the word moist, which I really don't like. Ya know the grossest sentence ever? The gynecologist had a moist uvula. Yeah it just sounds dirty, but it's not at all. Actually that would be quite healthy, cuz a dry throat is no fun, and you would assume if the uvula was not moist the rest of the throat wouldn't be either. One time I had my tonsils out. They used to be big enough so that I could touch them together. They were right by the uvula.

Anyway, I saw...oh crap, I need to get to bed! Goodnight!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The anatomy of a surprise

I love surprises. I love the planning and the sneakiness and especially the reactions of people when you pull it off. Just a couple months ago my friend Angie and I surprised our friend Kristen with Angie herself. They hadn't seen each other for almost a year and a half. I thought Kristen's jaw was going to fall off her face. It was awesome.

A couple weeks ago, my brother in law, Martin, texted me to ask if I could watch my nieces on Mother's Day so he could take my sister out. Unfortunately, I had plans already, so I suggested a Saturday overnight instead. Martin quickly made the reservations, probably so I couldn't change my mind ;) Then came the waiting. This is the planting seeds phase. I watched the girls for the day last weekend, and was joking about how it wouldn't happen again until next year. When Emily inquired about my weekend plans, I told her it was cleaning day, but I might need to come to laundry. She had no clue. None. I got up this morning and did not clean. Whoops. I texted Emily to see when they were going to be home so I could do laundry. A couple minutes later I received a text from Martin that read, "She suspects nothing." We're like surprise ninjas. I arrived home before the family did and Emily stood outside as I took my laundry inside. "Whoops, I forgot something in my car," I said, and got my duffel from the car. Emily suspected nothing. Martin and I looked at each other and shrugged. I made a show of turning around and locking my car, duffel in full view. "Man, it's so nice. I just want to stay out," Emily commented. "Well then let's go out," Martin said. Blank stare from Emily. This is about when I started laughing. Emily finally caught on. "You guys are both dorks," is about the extent of the comments we received. Could have been much worse :P All in all, pretty fun.

I love watching my nieces. They are so funny. We have the best conversations. Allie never wastes an opportunity to let me know that she's three and a half. Maddy usually follows with the assertion that she is six and a quarter. Just to be sure I don't forget. Allie wants to be a princess, so Maddy decides to be queen. Maddy is the quintessential older sister, always telling Allie what she's doing wrong. It reminds me of my days as the little sister. Emily always got to be in charge. She would force my friends and me to play school with her and give us extra worksheets she got from her teacher. She would send us out for "recess," fill in the worksheets with the incorrect answers, and then mark them all wrong with her red pen. But that's a sidenote. Allie doesn't take Maddy's crap. She marches to the beat of her own drummer. It is funny how the two of them seem to be patterned after Emily and me. I guess there is something to that birth order stuff.

I took the girls to see the movie Rio tonight. As we were leaving, the sky was beautiful. The sun was setting in the distance, which I pointed out to the girls. "Can we drive there?" Allie asked sweetly. "No, Allie, it's too late to drive anywhere!" corrects Maddy. "Can we drive there in the morning?" Allie wanted to know. "No sweetie, we can't drive to the sun." (Words I never thought I'd say.) "It's way out in outer space." Allie took a few minutes to think about that. "I think I'll be an astronaut when I grow up!" she declared. (How a three year old [excuse me, a three and a half year old] can put that together is pretty impressive!) Maddy was alarmed. "No, Allie!" (she says this a lot) "You can't be an astronaut! If you're an astronaut you have to stay in space for a year!"

The conversation went on, including a gentle reminder from Auntie Rena to Maddy that her sister has time to decide what she wants to be an it's okay for her to dream. These are the sorts of conversations we have frequently. "Look what I can do!" is said so often I can barely turn my head quick enough to watch both of them. They are always trying to marry me off one way or another, whether by offering to come with to search for a husband, counting money out to try to buy me a man, or attempting to get me engaged to the furniture, there's always a new plot with them. In fact, they are always plotting. Lil scamps.

So it's a double-win weekend. I love surprises and I love my nieces. I get to live vicariously through my sister being swept away for the night, and I get to pretend to be a mom for a little while. On Mother's Day, no less! My life is pretty much great :)