Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Further proof that I am, in fact, crazy

I find it amazing that people put up with me sometimes. I can be as cool as a cucumber, or as hyperactive as a kid on Christmas morning who got up early and ate all the candy out of her stocking and drank Red Bull and syrup before jumping on her parents' bed to announce the arrival of morning and opening presents time.

Case in point. I had this conversation with Phyllis tonight:

*Note: Capitalization and punctuation are rare in our conversations. As are correct spellings.*

andrea: I hear clanging and one of the cats is missing. . .that can't be good

me: oh dear i bet you now have a zombie ca t

andrea: I'm sure that is what's happening better make sure I am not a zombie when I get to work in the morning

me: he probably got bitten by the rabid unicorn

andrea: Oh I hope they didn't get of their cage, I was trying to keep him contained until he got better

me: well tell the elves to mind the locks or you'll replace them with ogres. who will eat them

andrea: that seems a little harsh don't you think

me: it'll make sure they're doing their job

andrea: I know but I try to avoid threatening death on a first warning. . .one of the elves is Dobie's cousin and he's a little jumpy sometimes

me: oh dear. well the ogres won't really eat them, they're vegetarians

andrea: good to know

me: yeah, so dobby's cousin will be okay, no worries. unless the unicorn bites him. zombie elves are nothing to mess around with

andrea: it's true we can't have that

me: sometimes they shoot rainbows out of their eyes

andrea: why would they shoot rainbows out of their eyes. that seems rude

me: i told you you don't want to mess around with them

andrea: so how exactly did I end up with one in the basement

me: well you don't have one yet unless the rabid unicorn bit him. sheesh, keep up

andrea: wait a minute who shoots rainbows out of their eyes, the unicorn or the zombie elves

me: the zombie elves

andrea: Oh I thought you were talking about unicorns

me: no unicorns are great unless they are rabid, then they turn any mythical creature they bite into a zombie

andrea: so can the mythical creatures turn non mythical creatures into zombies or should I just let them play in the basement

me: no, if they bite you, you will fall into an enchanted sleep until the zombie prince kisses you and then he will turn back into a normal prince

andrea: and where per se is this zombie prince. . .in case I need him of course

me: probably roaming around going "mauuggghhhpppphhhlleett" or something like that. you can have the elves send for him by pterodactyl mail. or just use your cell phone

andrea: I can't believe I am having this conversation. . .do you have the princes phone number

me: no, but once you fall into the enchanted sleep, you will speak it in your sleep, so you better make sure at least one of your elves is not a zombie elf because zombie elves are terrible at using the phone and the pterodactyls don't like them

*Insert random conversation about Star Trek here, because we are just that cool, and I want to have a holodeck installed. Maybe where the dishwasher is.*

andrea: oh okay just wondering anyway continue with zombie elves and princes and unicorns

me: what else do you want to know? i am very knowledgable

andrea: I don't know but I am thinking i need to check the basement before I go to sleep tonigth

me: oh you don't want to do that right now they might not even know you're there but if you show yourself to them, they might lurk while you're sleeping. nothing worse that lurking zombie elves

andrea: speaking from personal experience or what

me: no i don't have a basement

andrea: I meant about you showing yourself and them lurking in your apartment

me: oh they don't lurk here they know better

andrea: so you have had personal experience with them

me: which they'll not soon forget

andrea: I bet you went all ninja on their asses didn't you

me: i cannot reveal my secrets. however i am nodding sagely. just picture it in your head

andrea: most of the time when I picture things you tell me to I just giggle

me: that's why i added the word "sagely." "wisely" would work as well. otherwise you would just picture me as a bobble head, and ninjas never look like bobble heads

andrea: okay even with wisely thrown in there i am still giggling

me: so let me get this straight you are sitting in your 12:40 am. giggling to yourself. the zombies are sooo gonna get you

andrea: eh well didn't really want to go to work tomorrow anyway

me: oh they'll make you go to work. they will just be controlling you from your basement. they'll probably make you jump up and do the macarena and the YMCA. probably every 10 minutes

andrea: oh you think so huh. maybe they will make me stare at you all day and scream bazinga in your ear every 10 minutes

me: well i know they will be watching me. waiting for me to make a mistake. i won't

andrea: tomorrow's looking to be an interesting day at this point

me: oh goody! I'VE GOT IT!

andrea: you've got what

me: if we don't have anyone to staff, I will use team meeting time to teach you all how to defend against zombies and protect your unicorns from rabies!

andrea: oooooh maaaaaan I miss all the fun stuff

Soooo. Yeah. Uhhhmmm...ahem...

Why on earth do I post these things? Seriously.

Andre...uhh....Phyllis gets like ten million points for not only putting up with me but playing along. Seriously. That's friendship right there. Or maybe she's just as crazy as me. I'm leaning toward that one.

If it makes anyone feel better, we do occassionaly have serious conversations. But mostly they're like this one. Now EVERYONE is going to want to chat with us. And who can blame them, really?

It's late. My bed calls. And I'm sure I'll regret this in the morning...

1 comment:

  1. So how is the regret doing this morning??? It was funny when we had the conversation it is even better reading it again. . .and now I am sure we will be the most popular people ever now!