I find it amazing that people put up with me sometimes. I can be as cool as a cucumber, or as hyperactive as a kid on Christmas morning who got up early and ate all the candy out of her stocking and drank Red Bull and syrup before jumping on her parents' bed to announce the arrival of morning and opening presents time.
Case in point. I had this conversation with Phyllis tonight:
*Note: Capitalization and punctuation are rare in our conversations. As are correct spellings.*
andrea: I hear clanging and one of the cats is missing. . .that can't be good
me: oh dear i bet you now have a zombie ca t
andrea: I'm sure that is what's happening better make sure I am not a zombie when I get to work in the morning
me: he probably got bitten by the rabid unicorn
andrea: Oh I hope they didn't get of their cage, I was trying to keep him contained until he got better
me: well tell the elves to mind the locks or you'll replace them with ogres. who will eat them
andrea: that seems a little harsh don't you think
me: it'll make sure they're doing their job
andrea: I know but I try to avoid threatening death on a first warning. . .one of the elves is Dobie's cousin and he's a little jumpy sometimes
me: oh dear. well the ogres won't really eat them, they're vegetarians
andrea: good to know
me: yeah, so dobby's cousin will be okay, no worries. unless the unicorn bites him. zombie elves are nothing to mess around with
andrea: it's true we can't have that
me: sometimes they shoot rainbows out of their eyes
andrea: why would they shoot rainbows out of their eyes. that seems rude
me: i told you you don't want to mess around with them
andrea: so how exactly did I end up with one in the basement
me: well you don't have one yet unless the rabid unicorn bit him. sheesh, keep up
andrea: wait a minute who shoots rainbows out of their eyes, the unicorn or the zombie elves
me: the zombie elves
andrea: Oh I thought you were talking about unicorns
me: no unicorns are great unless they are rabid, then they turn any mythical creature they bite into a zombie
andrea: so can the mythical creatures turn non mythical creatures into zombies or should I just let them play in the basement
me: no, if they bite you, you will fall into an enchanted sleep until the zombie prince kisses you and then he will turn back into a normal prince
andrea: and where per se is this zombie prince. . .in case I need him of course
me: probably roaming around going "mauuggghhhpppphhhlleett" or something like that. you can have the elves send for him by pterodactyl mail. or just use your cell phone
andrea: I can't believe I am having this conversation. . .do you have the princes phone number
me: no, but once you fall into the enchanted sleep, you will speak it in your sleep, so you better make sure at least one of your elves is not a zombie elf because zombie elves are terrible at using the phone and the pterodactyls don't like them
*Insert random conversation about Star Trek here, because we are just that cool, and I want to have a holodeck installed. Maybe where the dishwasher is.*
andrea: oh okay just wondering anyway continue with zombie elves and princes and unicorns
me: what else do you want to know? i am very knowledgable
andrea: I don't know but I am thinking i need to check the basement before I go to sleep tonigth
me: oh you don't want to do that right now they might not even know you're there but if you show yourself to them, they might lurk while you're sleeping. nothing worse that lurking zombie elves
andrea: speaking from personal experience or what
me: no i don't have a basement
andrea: I meant about you showing yourself and them lurking in your apartment
me: oh they don't lurk here they know better
andrea: so you have had personal experience with them
me: which they'll not soon forget
andrea: I bet you went all ninja on their asses didn't you
me: i cannot reveal my secrets. however i am nodding sagely. just picture it in your head
andrea: most of the time when I picture things you tell me to I just giggle
me: that's why i added the word "sagely." "wisely" would work as well. otherwise you would just picture me as a bobble head, and ninjas never look like bobble heads
andrea: okay even with wisely thrown in there i am still giggling
me: so let me get this straight you are sitting in your house.at 12:40 am. giggling to yourself. the zombies are sooo gonna get you
andrea: eh well didn't really want to go to work tomorrow anyway
me: oh they'll make you go to work. they will just be controlling you from your basement. they'll probably make you jump up and do the macarena and the YMCA. probably every 10 minutes
andrea: oh you think so huh. maybe they will make me stare at you all day and scream bazinga in your ear every 10 minutes
me: well i know they will be watching me. waiting for me to make a mistake. i won't
andrea: tomorrow's looking to be an interesting day at this point
me: oh goody! I'VE GOT IT!
andrea: you've got what
me: if we don't have anyone to staff, I will use team meeting time to teach you all how to defend against zombies and protect your unicorns from rabies!
andrea: oooooh maaaaaan I miss all the fun stuff
Soooo. Yeah. Uhhhmmm...ahem...
Why on earth do I post these things? Seriously.
Andre...uhh....Phyllis gets like ten million points for not only putting up with me but playing along. Seriously. That's friendship right there. Or maybe she's just as crazy as me. I'm leaning toward that one.
If it makes anyone feel better, we do occassionaly have serious conversations. But mostly they're like this one. Now EVERYONE is going to want to chat with us. And who can blame them, really?
It's late. My bed calls. And I'm sure I'll regret this in the morning...