Saturday, April 10, 2010

A New Idea in Vacationing! Brought to you by Phyllis.

So Rena has been on my case for some time now asking me to write a guest blog. So I, Phyllis, have finally caved into the relentless peer pressure on the part of Ms. Rena Olsen and come to you with my own random thoughts. I will do my best to maintain the level of randomness and humor you have all come to expect from this blog. So here it goes.

Earlier this week Rena and I, and a few other co-worker who shall remain nameless (Rena I think you should give them nicknames too) were having a little chit chat in The Cube. As many of you know The Cube is the place where Rena and I spend about 40 hours a week. All things considered The Cube is generally a very exciting place, but can at times get a little hectic. On this particular day Rena and I were discussing going on a vacation together, after some discussion about where and when we would go, we came up with a most brilliant idea.

You see we have discovered a new option in resort vacations. This particular resort is all inclusive and you only have to pay a fraction of the total cost out of your pocket. The resort provides three meals a day, a myriad of activities to participate in, and a 24 hour nursing station if you were to find yourself feeling under the weather. You can get single room or a room with a roommate. . .but if you are bringing a friend the roommate issue is taken care of. This resort even provides clothing for the time you are there, so you don’t even have to pack! (I hate packing, I always feel as though I am forgetting something and then when you get back you have put everything away again. . .too much work) The best part of this resort, however, is the rooms. . .you see you there is no furniture in the room because the walls, the floor, and the ceiling are all upholstered with a very plush, marshmallow like, material, leaving plenty of space to practice your tumbling and roll around on the floor like you did when you were little. You see ladies and gentlemen we are taking a vacation to the Nut House.

Now for those of who know Rena and the few of you that know me are probably not shocked by this idea and some of you are probably thinking it’s about time. But I urge you to take a step back and think about this idea for a moment. It’s perfect. . .it’s all inclusive. . .and no one will expect a thing from you while you are there, because well, you’re crazy.

We did however come up with one issue that needs to be addressed. They may occasionally expect you talk about your feelings and the friends that live in your head. But fear not we have come up with a solution for that as well. When one of the nice resort workers asks you about these things start rocking back and forth. . .come on now practice while you are reading this. . .rock back and forth and start clapping your hands. If that does not succeed in getting them to back off attempt to bite your own ear. . .next time you are in the bathroom look at yourself in the mirror while you try to bite your own ear. . .I promise it will be very entertaining. . .just ask Rena, she watched me do it the other day in The Cube. . .and it’s good practice for your own upcoming vacation.

So I implore you all the next time you are considering taking some time to get away, put some serious thought into checking yourself into the Nut House. It doesn’t even have to be your local Nut House, find a city you have always wanted to visit and find a nice resort there. It could quite possibly be the most refreshing vacation you will ever take.

Note from Rena:
Well done, Phyllis. Definitely up to par. What you failed to mention, however, is our specific plan for our vacation together. We decided to have rooms next to each other with a window in between. However, the downside to this is Phyllis' need to watch me while I sleep. I can see it now...I wake up and see two eyes shining in the moonlight from my small window...
Me: Phyllis? Is that you?
P: No, go back to sleep.
Me: Phyllis, we talked about this, you can't watch me while I sleep. It's creepy.
P: I'm not. Shhh. Go back to sleep.

Phyllis is now denying this conversation ever happened. Don't tell her...but I secretly think it's nice to have someone watch over you while you a non-stalker, non-creepy way, of course.

See you at the nuthouse!

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