Wednesday, April 28, 2010

But wait! There's more!

I admit it. I'm an infomercial junkie. I will watch some infomercials over and over until I can practically quote them. Whether it's Billy Mays yelling at me or a perfectly coiffed woman crooning to me about how much easier my life will be, as soon as I flip to an infomercial, I am sucked in. This is usually how my thought process goes:
Hmmm...this looks interesting...
Haha, what kind of people buy this stuff?
Seriously, could they be any more overdramatic? that's a good point. I could use it for that.
Wow, I didn't know it could do that!
Still though...I'm not sure I need to spend the money.
*But wait! There's more!*
More? What more could there be?
How have I lived without this in my life up until now? card...
*6-8 weeks later*
What is this crap????

Because of the amazing hypnotic quality of infomercials, I have decided to forego finishing my novel and trying to get it published, and instead I am going create a video of my favorite infomercials...and do an infomercial to sell it!

Just think about it. It's genius! We all love infomercials, even if we refuse to admit it. My favorite part of infomercials is where they show life without their product. Arm cramps for those of us without a hair dryer stand. Complete catastrophe for people whose blankets don't have arms. And smushed food for people whose knives are just not sharp enough. It's a quality of life issue, really. And my video will bring to life all these issues at once! I bet I could get all those infomercials to sponser me. Plus, I'm super dynamic. People would totally buy from me. I would be RICH. And we all know that's all that's required for happiness.

Alright, I think I'm going to go ruminate on my idea in my Snuggie, and dry my hair while I cut some bread with my sharp knives and cook a s'more in my microwave. Maybe work on my stains with some Oxyclean and wash my face with this new amazing pore reducer before styling my hair with a Bumpit. Whoops, I just knocked over my can of pop. Good thing I had that snap on bottle top, otherwise my pop may have shorted out my computer and started a fire in my lap. Infomercials really do save lives.


  1. You are hilarious. . .P.S. how is life with your express ready set go?

  2. So much more convenient. I can make almost anything in no time at all! Three course dinner? No problem!