Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Social Experiment, Pt 2: The People

First of all, I want to thank those of you who commented or messaged about internet dating. Trust and believe, I know that internet dating can and does work. I know several people living out their happily ever afters after meeting on the internet. I'm just not sure it's for me. For many reasons.

Reason number one? I attract the creepers. I'm not joking. I give you three examples below, three of the first to message me on the site. I couldn't make this stuff up.

1) Wolfman
I cannot describe the message this man sent to me, so I will just share it with you. The only reason I do this is because I know for a fact that he copied and pasted this same message to at least one other person, and I would guess several more, so I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I copied and pasted it here.

you know, when i saw your pic, i exclaimed, "countach." in the piedmontese dialect, it's the verbal equivalent of a wolf whistle. it means, "oh wow...amazing." it's usually uttered, when a man sees a woman of exceptional beauty, such as yourself.

Yes. I asked him what "piedmontese" is, and he said it's an area of Italy, and that Italian men used to yell it at his mother and it used to make him mad, but now he understands. Yup. He started a chat with me. I didn't follow his line of thinking, but bascially he told me that he quit college because a friend showed up in a lambourghini, which told him he needed to take more chances. I don't know. That's all.

2) Romeo
This one is kind of typical of a lot of messagers. Romeo wasted no time with pesky "get to know you" questions. He went right in for the, "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with and I think it's you." Or something along those lines. I asked him why, and he said that he is a loving and caring guy and he would treat me better than anyone else. What more could I want, right?

3) Zombie
Zombie was extra-special, so I saved him for last. He started out by simply saying, "You're cute. I want to get to know you better." Oh, I should mention that the reason I call him Zombie is because he has possibly the worst profile picture he could have selected. It looks like someone just said, "Hey you!" and he was like, "Huh?" Plus, his eyes are glowing. Like I said, it started out innocently enough. He asked about my writing, and said he was sort of a writer. As in, he wrote 3 pages in 2 years. That's fine though, we all work at different paces, right? So I asked him what sort of writing he did. Horror. Okay, interesting. So what made him decide to write horror stories? Well, you see, that's a fascinating story. See, he was working at Dairy Queen when it came to him. He thought of all sorts of ways people could die at Dairy Queen. Aaand, that's where I exited.

You'd think that's the end, right? Ha. He messaged me again. I started asking questions about his weekend and stuff, thought it was safer ground. He told me he was going to a cousin's wedding but wasn't looking forward to it because his family is the devil. Another pause from me. How am I supposed to respond to that? He responds again by asking the question I LOVE..."so why are you single?" I gave some cliche answer, and then figured turnabout was fair play and asked him the same thing. His answer? "Because women are blind." Nice. He did a fabulous Eeyore impression, woe is me, girls don't understand how awesome I am, etc etc. There was more, but I just lost interest in sharing it.

So, there you have it. A couple of semi-normal guys have messaged me, and I have had some enjoyable conversations. Still not sure how long I will stay on. My ADHD is kicking in. Plus, my heart isn't in it. We'll see though ;)


  1. I think Zombie is my favorite. Possibly my new best friend material. Wolfman is a close second. Oh man, I'm sitting in front of the computer giggling like a freak and I woke Jake up and he of course, had to inquire about what I found to be savoring such hilarity. Well, actually, his words were "what's so funny/" Same thing, though.

    I'm glad you found a couple normal ones. I want to hire you out though, to continue to be on there, just to meet these strange folk and tell me all about it. I know that's mean, but it's the truth.


  2. I'm so glad you're amused at the sad state of my love life, Nik. ;)

  3. Just amused by the way you tell the story, mostly. <3

  4. Rena, It's not that you attract them, there are just a WHOLE lot of them on the internet. You have to weed through a lot of creepers. I've read a few of Laura's internet dating things and these are right in line with hers. With one guy, she was scheduled to meet him and she had something come up so she called him to cancel his reply was "well, alright but it better not happen again" in all seriousness. oooh yeah you aren't controling at allllll. Is there a christian dating website?