What would you do?

Last night I watched a very interesting show on ABC called "What Would You Do?" In this show, they create situations using actors and see how people respond. I was so fascinated by the show that I took notes. I am such a nerd.

The first situation was with a drunk girl in a bar. She kept asking for more shots, and then a guy came up and started flirting and touching her, and eventually tried to get her to leave with him. For the most part, people stopped them from leaving, thank goodness, though not always. There was one couple where the guy wanted to do something, and his wife was like, "Don't get involved." They changed it up a bit and had the girl appear as more of a "party girl," dressed more provactively and being louder. People still tried to stop the guy from leaving with her, but the appalling thing was that some guys actually gave him tips on how to get her out. There was one guy who told the guy he would tell her friends she left when they got there. The worst was a couple of married guys who kept saying they wished they were single and then gave the guy ideas of how to lure her out of the bar and where to take her. The very worst part? One of them was an off-duty cop. His excuse was that it could get complicated if he had gotten involved as an off-duty cop. Disgusting.

For the second segment, they had a bike chained to a sign and a white kid very obviously trying to steal it. He was sawing away at the chain. Only a few people even stopped to ask him if it was his bike, and even after he told them it wasn't, most of those moved on. A couple threatened to call the police, but of over a hundred people who passed, only 1 or 2 actually tried to stop him. Next, they switched out the white kid for a black kid, same age, dressed the same. And almost everyone stopped! There was a crowd that formed, and people called the cops and took pictures with their phones. Crazy, but sadly not that surprising. What shocked me the most was the last switch they did. They changed it from a black boy to a hot white girl. Not one person tried to call the cops on her, even when she confessed to stealing the bike. In fact...several men stopped and tried to help her! No joke! One woman stopped and was looking like she was going to do something, and he husband rode right on past and offered to help the girl steal it. Ridiculous. An expert was interviewed and he explained it by saying that as a society, we see beauty as meaning health and goodness. He said that the thought process is, "Beautiful is good, so how can a good person be bad?" I have actually done research on this topic. I think I maybe mentioned it in a previous entry. From the time we are young, we are treated according to our looks by most people, and we learn to act in accordance with other people's views. It makes me really really sad.

The third segment involved lottery fraud. A woman brought a ticket into a shop to get it checked, then stepped away from the counter to grab something. The ticket came up as winner, and the clerk pocketed the ticket and the money. When the winnings were just $20, no one who witnessed it said anything, and some people even lied to the woman when she came back, agreeing with the clerk that it was not a winning ticket. They upped the stakes so that the prize was $290, and still not many people would get involved. A couple did, which was good. Then they had the clerk offer to split the winnings if the customer would stay quiet. Several people agreed! One guy made me cry though. He stood up for that woman and got really heated about it. When interviewed it turned out he was out of work and having trouble collecting unemployment. He could have easily agreed to split the winnings, and goodness knows he could have used it. His words, "It's so easy to hate, and so hard to love." He said we should all try to love each other more, especially these days, in these times. Really did bring tears to my eyes.

The final situation was a store manager harrassing a group of three black teenagers. She made statements like, "People like you," and said that even if they hadn't stolen anything yet it was only a matter of time. They were kicked out of the store after being frisked by the security guard. Some people did step in, and got pretty heated about it. However, out of 100 people who witnessed this atrocity, only 16 stepped in. The girls, who were actresses, were affected by it, even though they were in on the whole thing. Sad that racism is alive and well in the 21st century. Guess we haven't come as far as some people would like to think.

So reflecting on the show last night, I had to wonder, how would I react to any of these situations? While I'd like to think I would step in, I really don't know. There is so much paranoia about getting involved these days. If I approach a bike thief, am I going to get hurt? I hate confrontation. Would I be able to stand up for people being abused or would I stand by and whisper to my friends about how appalling it is without saying a word? There have been times in stores when I've seen parents screaming at their children. I think it's appalling, yet I walk away. Because it's not my place to get involved, right? This is going to take a bit more self-reflection...

I always have to think about how we as a society have all become less helpful and more selfish and self-focused. We rarely smile at each other, usually choosing to focus on the floor as we sweep by, intent on finishing our own business. Cashiers, waiters...they are not people, just vehicles by which our needs are met. And our business is always more important. Even though someone else may have come in first, I'm going to hop to the available cashier without offering the open spot to the person who has been waiting longer. Traffic is terrible, people weaving in and out, tailgating because their lives are so much more important. The other day I had to handle an emergency, and was running very late to a session. There was construction downtown, and people were flying by in the lane that closed up ahead and cutting in, causing those of us waiting in line to have to sit through several cycles at lights. There is an overabundance of discourtesy and just plain rudeness. It's disheartening a lot of days.

There are people who give me hope. There are people who will step in and stand up for what's right. There are people who will give a smile no matter what. Those cashiers who have been on their feets all day and still have a smile. My dad is someone like this. Not a cashier, but someone who has never met a stranger, who puts people at ease no matter what, who can easily converse with people from all different walks of life. I wish to be more like these people, to get over my own stuff, my own shyness and inward focus, and become more outward focused. To smile at strangers. To step in where someone is being treated unfairly. And I challenge anyone who reads this to do the same.

(Sidenote: Ever since watching that show, I have had the song from the Nickelodeon show "What Would You Do?" in my head. What what what would you, what what what would you do?)

To sleep, perchance to dream

I love sleep. Strangely, I'm not a napper though. I don't like to feel like I'm missing out on things, so sleeping during the day isn't always my favorite. However, I do love to sleep, mostly because I have the most entertaining, most random, most vivid, funniest dreams ever. Seriously. They're awesome.

When I was little, I had a recurring dream that whenever my brother and sister pulled on my dad's arms, he morphed into Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. I still have flashes of memory of them on the stairs and my parents' bedroom getting ready to pull, although in my dream I always ran away before it happened. Don't ask me how I knew what happened since I never actually saw it. Dream esp I guess. I also once had a very vivid dream that there was a fairy tale land in my ceiling and the tortise and the hare pulled me up to give me a tour. The most random part about this dream is that I dreamt that they dropped me back through a ceiling panel at the end, and I woke up under that very tile, on the other side of my bed's headboard. Creepy, right?

I often dream that I am being chased, but usually I'm super fast and can jump really high. Like a superhero. I have also been known to have dreams that came true, such as when I dreamt my sister was pregnant and asked her about it right after they found out about Allie, or when I dreamt that my sister-in-law would have a girl when she was pregnant with Siri. It's true, I'm psychic sometimes.

My dreams tend to occur in the same places. If I have scary dreams, they almost always happen in the house we lived in in Rockwell City, Iowa. Considering what went on in our time there, it's not too surprising. A lot of times I find myself back at school, either high school or college. One time right after I started college I had a dream that I was back in high school, but had my college textbooks, and they were too big to fit in my high school locker. I know. Deep, right?

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. Like, almost ready to pop pregnant. And I was at my grandparents' old "house on the hill" in Windom, MN. In my dream, I changed my mind about having a baby. I decided it would hurt too much, so I didn't want to do it anymore. (Strangely, this isn't the first time I've had a dream where I was going to have a baby and changed my mind at the last second...that time it took place in the Administration building at Augie, where I worked throughout college.) Anyway, unlike other pregnancy dreams (there aren't that many, honest...) I actually knew who the father was. Oh wow that sounds horrible. I just mean that in this dream that part actually played into the plot. How? Well, I was trying to text him to let him know. Except the way I was texting was a little strange. I had to press the letters of the message individually into a stamp pad. They would stay for a while, and then disappear, and the response would appear. My mind works in strange ways. Fortunately, the dream ended before I had to give birth. Not quite ready for that yet!

Phyllis has a book that is supposed to help interpret dreams. Phyllis, what does this dream mean???

What are your funniest/most memorable dreams? Do you believe in prophetic dreams, or finding meaning in them? Or are they just random firings in the brain? Your brain's way of processing information?

Mmmm, all this talk about dreaming is making me sleepy. Can't wait to see what's on the brain tube tonight!

This is kinda like a birthday

So. My 50th entry. Originally I had this thing planned out where I would have fifty random facts about myself. Things like the fact that I have freakishly long monkey toes or that my face is not symmetrical, that I love nerdy things like Star Trek and Lord of the Rings but also enjoy action movies. However, less than ten facts in, I was quite bored. Not that I'm a boring person. I just have a short attention span.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah. So instead, I decided to discuss the top reasons why I know I watch too many movies. Yeah. So. Here I go.

- Almost anything anyone says reminds me of a scene in a movie. Which I quote.

- There is a constant soundtrack going in my head. Especially on road trips, I imagine the different angles my car could be filmed from, and what music might best fit the mood of the trip.

- Sometimes when my memory is triggered by a word or a sound or a smell, I sit and stare off into space for indeterminable amounts of time. In my head, I am flashing back, explaing my sudden reaction, which may range from a sudden loud laugh to a tiny, glistening tear rolling down my cheek.

- Sometimes things become more dramatic than they need to be. And I see them in slow motion.

- I categorize my days into movie genres. "Oh yeah, that day was total comedy."

- I forget that characters on the screen are not real, and feel a sense of betrayal when my favorites show up in another movie.

- I believe that love stories really do happen like that, which has ruined me for any relationship that doesn't resemble Cinderella.

- I often break into song or dance randomly and am confused when those around me do not join in in full harmony and choreography.

- I am shocked when I walk into a high school and don't see teenagers resembling fully grown adults. Who are those little people???

- I get frustrated when all my problems are not solved within two hours. Apparently my life is an epic miniseries. Is that an oxymoron?

And that's about all I have right now. I love movies. Movies are great. My life is a movie. For reals.

But wait! There's more!

I admit it. I'm an infomercial junkie. I will watch some infomercials over and over until I can practically quote them. Whether it's Billy Mays yelling at me or a perfectly coiffed woman crooning to me about how much easier my life will be, as soon as I flip to an infomercial, I am sucked in. This is usually how my thought process goes:
Hmmm...this looks interesting...
Haha, what kind of people buy this stuff?
Seriously, could they be any more overdramatic?
Well...now that's a good point. I could use it for that.
Wow, I didn't know it could do that!
Still though...I'm not sure I need to spend the money.
*But wait! There's more!*
More? What more could there be?
WOW!
How have I lived without this in my life up until now?
Must...have...find...credit card...
............................
*6-8 weeks later*
What is this crap????

Because of the amazing hypnotic quality of infomercials, I have decided to forego finishing my novel and trying to get it published, and instead I am going create a video of my favorite infomercials...and do an infomercial to sell it!

Just think about it. It's genius! We all love infomercials, even if we refuse to admit it. My favorite part of infomercials is where they show life without their product. Arm cramps for those of us without a hair dryer stand. Complete catastrophe for people whose blankets don't have arms. And smushed food for people whose knives are just not sharp enough. It's a quality of life issue, really. And my video will bring to life all these issues at once! I bet I could get all those infomercials to sponser me. Plus, I'm super dynamic. People would totally buy from me. I would be RICH. And we all know that's all that's required for happiness.

Alright, I think I'm going to go ruminate on my idea in my Snuggie, and dry my hair while I cut some bread with my sharp knives and cook a s'more in my microwave. Maybe work on my stains with some Oxyclean and wash my face with this new amazing pore reducer before styling my hair with a Bumpit. Whoops, I just knocked over my can of pop. Good thing I had that snap on bottle top, otherwise my pop may have shorted out my computer and started a fire in my lap. Infomercials really do save lives.

That thing called love

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. We can learn so much from kids. I had the privilege of hanging out with my five year old niece tonight. My other niece, Allie, fell asleep, so Maddy chattered all night, as usual.

It's so interesting to me to hear about the world from a child's perspective. For some reason, the topic of the night was love, being married, boyfriends, etc. Maddy is hilarious. She has decided that it's time for her to have a boyfriend, so she went through all the possible suspects. First there was her friend Jayden, but he already has a girlfriend named Carrie Anderson (Underwood). Then she thought maybe Lyle, but I gently explained that that really wasn't possible since they're cousins. Next, she thought maybe she could have a girlfriend instead and go with her friend Josie (Jayden's little sister). I told her she could certainly have Josie as a friend who is a girl. Her response? "Yeah, but I'll call her my girlfriend." Later on, she decided that she would maybe just marry Ace, the baby my sister is going to start watching tomorrow (and son of my dear friend Meagan!), when they are old enough.

What really got me about all of her talk was how simple it all seemed to her. You like someone, maybe you should marry them. You enjoy spending time with them? Well, it would be a blast to live with them and get to play all the time! Sure, you might fight sometimes, but in true kid style, you get over it by sharing a popsicle. Easy peasy.

Maddy also found time tonight to lecture me on my love life. She thinks I need to have a baby so she has more cousins, but I need to find a husband first. She said I would find him soon, May 23, actually. First she thought I would have to take the day off work to go look for him, but since it's a Sunday, I can just look after church. She's hilarious. It was even funnier coming off a weekend when I visited Southern Hills and was told that I needed to get married because I was so old, and also attended a bachelorette party, where I heard all sorts of advice for marriage.

My favorite advice was from a child. Just do it. Be with the one who makes you happy. And if you fight, share a popsicle ;)

A public service announcement

There is an epidemic going on in this world that I feel obligated to address. It's spreading like wildfire, helped along by the Internet and social networking sites. We need to do something about it before it gets any worse. What is this phenomenon?

Over sharing.

Really, people, give it a rest. Guess what. While I don't mind knowing that you were sick today, I don't need to know how many times you puked, as well as the color and consistency. I don't need to know all the sordid details about your hookup or breakup. The relationship status will do, thankyouverymuch. While I love you, my friends, and care about what's important to you, and I am ecstatic when my friends have babies...I don't need to see pictures of the bloody lil one. How about the cute ones after he's at least wiped down. And no nudey pix of your kiddos. That's just wrong.

This also leads to a subgroup of people who are constantly putting up statuses involving how sad and depressed they are all the time...I worry about those people. I want to help my friends who are feeling down, but is Facebook really the best medium to discuss your depression?? Half the time I feel like they are just attention-seekers. I know when I have put things up it's usually to get a reaction or at least get people to know something's going on. But let's face it, all my statuses are to get a reaction ;)

Now it seems that what started online has begun to leak into every day lives. Now I'm talking about those people who like to share every minute detail of their lives with anyone who will listen, and even those who don't want to. They are trapped by propriety and the desire to avoid coming across as rude. So they stand and smile as they are bombarded with details about anything from how exactly to cook that special dish to a detailed report of finances. Then they are pulled unwittingly (and unwillingly) into a competition about who has more or less of any given possession or time or love or...well...anything!

What happened to the days of keeping personal things to ourselves? When did it become okay to share everything with everyone? Even I have caught myself doing this exact thing. It's contagious, I swear.

On a more serious note, one thing that I think is really scary about over sharing is the fact that we've forgotten how to listen. We are so intent on getting our own information out there for others to enjoy (scrutinize) that we forget to listen to other people. We have become so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss the important things that are going on in the lives of those we love. The following is an excerpt from an email devotional I received today, and then posted on Facebook ;)

“The first service that we can perform for anyone is to listen,” says Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Most of us don’t listen well. “I know just how you feel,” we say, and then we launch into a personal story to prove it. What have we just done? We’ve moved to center stage and made the other person listen to us! When we talk too much and listen too little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas or experiences are more important than theirs.

Interesting thoughts. Something we would all do well to think about.

This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by my brain.

Thank you and goodnight.

In the eye of the beholder

Sometimes I wish everyone were blind. Of course, that would present a number of difficulties, not the least of which would be the constant need for ice from bumping into walls and each other. (Not that blind people bump into things a lot, I'm just thinking with the number of times I bump into things when I can see, the prospect of me without sight is a bit frightening.)

Anyway, I have had several conversations recently about how much physical appearance matters. Mostly this has been in the context of relationships. Now, I will admit that there has to be some degree of physical attraction to someone you are dating, or would like to date. But should that be the most important factor? For me (and granted, I am a self-proclaimed Odd Duck), personality means so much more than physical appearance, mostly because I see someone's personality reflected in their appearance. Someone who is really good-looking but super shallow and jerky really isn't attractive to me. Depending on the level of rot in their personality, I am sometimes actually repulsed by them. Now, there haven't been that many people who repulse me in my life. I am usually able to see at least some positives. But on the other side, and I think more importantly, someone who is not considered "attractive" by the silly standards of most people, but who has a great personality, can be the most attractive person in the world to me. Would I date a guy who was shorter than me? That was the question posed to me today. If we clicked, if his personality, values, and humor meshed well with mine? Absolutely.

How many people are really able to look beyond outward appearance though? Not many. As I said before, I have had this conversation a lot lately, and most people seem to place a tremendous amount of importance on outward appearance. Even looking beyond relationships, attractive people are treated better a lot of times than unattractive people. We go around judging people by what they look like, how fat or thin, tall or short, young or old they are. It's interesting going out with my hot friends. Very different experience from going out alone. In fact, when I go out alone, I try not to make eye contact...and other people do the same. It works. I did a research paper in my undergraduate social psychology class and learned they have done long term studies regarding outward appearance. Even as children, those considered more visually appealing are treated more deferentially. While a "cute" child being naughty is played off as being precocious, a less attractive child is seen as inherently naughty, and punished accordingly. This happens with teachers, other students, even parents and other adults. Appalling.

Bottom line is, I am super disheartened by the role physical appearance plays in how people are treated, in and out of relationships. I am seriously an optimist by nature, but if my friends can say they would turn down a guy for his height, how can I hold on to hope that any guy could look past my outward appearance and see how amazingly fantastic I am? It's not often you hear someone say, "Hey, check out the personality on that one!" It just makes me sad.

I'll try to bring some funny later in the week. No promises.